Kurt Emperor Potato🐲
"Stare, stare into the basin
And wonder what you've missed"
-Auden
The wishes barrel starts behind the curtain.
always down for noods and foodpron
Joined Dec 2018
These are the things my son and I send each other.
#parenting
Me: why do you keep stick my slippers under gunners butt.
Kiddo: so he fills them with farts.
Me:.....
Kiddo: mwuhahahahahaha
Wife: 🤦♀️🤦♀️he is so your kid
In the car with kiddo, discussing his day and life....
Me: sooo, anyone you're crushing on at school
Kiddo: nah.
Me: I'm crushing on your momma some right now
Kiddo: 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Me: in fact, I'm hoping to get a smooch from her tonight
Kiddo: ewww no, that's my mom you're talking about
Me: so?
Kiddo: do you want me smooching your mom?
Me: you mean you want to go smooching your grandma
Kiddo: ew ew EWWW EWWWW!!!
Me: you said it man. That's on you
Kiddo: 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
#parenting
Having a guy's weekend in Rehoboth with the kiddo.
There's been fart jokes and junk food galore.
Also, he's hitting that age where I get to teach him how to shave. 😱 So that's part of the guys weekend plans.
In my head I'm half 'this is awesome watching him grow up and all' and half 'IM NOT READY FOR THIS, WHERES MY LITTLE BOY'
Oof, nerf darts to the eyeball hurt.
Kiddo paused the movie right before anikan and padme kiss.
Kiddo: I should skip over the smoochin scene
Me: ok, if you want.
K: you probably want to see it though
Me: it's okay, I know what smoochin is. I've seen smoochin before.
K: 🤨
Me: in fact, I've actually DONE some smoochin' 😏😏😏
Kiddo: NO NO NO. THAT IS JUST WRONG. DO NOT EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN!!!!!
I'm hitting the kiddo with so many dad jokes I think he will have a dent in his forehead from all the facepalms today.
Kiddo and I just had a competition to see who could make more inappropriate sounds with various body parts. I'm not sure when I lost the ability to make arm pit farts. It's a sad day for me.
I've used Kurt Roedeger as my online persona/login long enough now 'he' gets credit card applications.
But kiddo also sees it because I have it as my Google account and it's linked to his for school and parenting reasons.
But it's not my real name. He was signing into the Amazon account (also Kurt) on the TV and got snarky with me......
So I guess kiddo now calls me Kurt.🙄
Went bushwhacking down to the creek with kiddo.
Me: hey look,.I found a wizard staff
Kiddo: machete beats wizard staff.
Kiddo uses the Lego creator app site thing and scrolls new sets. He's going through the new Minecraft release and listing all the new pieces.
Kiddo: only took them 7 years to add a hoe!!!!
Me: ::don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh::
Kiddo: and they enchanted a hoe!!!
Me: 💀
Sound up for the faint sounds of the star wars imperial march, ala kazoo
#parenting
I'm being serenaded by kazoo
Told kiddo to pack snacks in the cooler bag for at his swim meet.
When you know the kiddo is being sneaky about something but you let it go because it's not a super big deal and you're just too monday'ed out to deal with it right now.
Told kiddo to go get a shower. He told me he declines, which I said isn't allowed. So then he did this.
Kiddo had a field day half school day thing.
Comes in...
Kiddo: I got a free Oreo at school today!!!!
Me: how'd you get that?
Kiddo: I entered the competition where you put an Oreo on your forehead and have to get it to your mouth no hands.
Me: what place did you get?
Kiddo: LAST!!! I just wanted the Oreo so I said I give up and used my hands to eat it.
Me: so you got exactly what you wanted?
Kiddo: yep!
Me: sounds like a win then 🤔
Kiddo: 😂I 😂know😂
Kurt Emperor Potato🐲
"Stare, stare into the basin
And wonder what you've missed"
-Auden
The wishes barrel starts behind the curtain.
always down for noods and foodpron
Joined Dec 2018