@feloneouscat has got me thinking about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.

They are among my favorite movies of all time. I see a lot of hidden depth in those comedies.

Two Guileless souls, through the power of believing in their dreams, change the world for the better, forever.

It's an incredible and powerful statement.

I've heard it said that "Be Excellent to Each other" is too broad to be of any real meaning or substance. I disagree.

Everything is ok. Life is never a static thing. Trying to hold rigidly to a static mean will only leave you hurt and exhausted.

It's a hard won lesson, but I'm getting there.

My goals remain the same, but sometimes you have to let go and stop to move forward. I've pushed myself to the point of everything falling apart before, and that is a cycle I can break

Today, I am going to set easy goals, keep my calories in range, and do the cleaning I've been wanting to get done

I'm taking the time to let the body and the mind mentally recover, even if it costs me a couple training days. So long as I get back to it tomorrow or the next day, I'll quickly regain ceded ground.

Good morning groovy souls!

I've bee on the struggle with my fitness and gym goals the last couple weeks, and I realized this morning that all the stress of travel and work these last six months, along with my rigorous training schedule, I'm feeling strained.

No matter how much I want to, part of me is burning out. Yesterday, I was hurting and exhausted so I rested, and then my eating went a bit over the top.

Avoiding recrimination, I took time to really think about where I am today.

Good morning groovy souls!

I find myself in an odd position this morning. I want to push, go run and hit the gym, but something feels off and spent within the body. There is a gut level instinct telling me to not push it, yet I fear losing ground, which is nonsensical so long as I get back tomorrow

Knowing that I have ignored such warnings to my own detriment before I am listening, begrudgingly. It is a paradox that sometimes one must stay still if they want to continue to move forward

Good night groovy souls! I was not in the mood to sleep, so I stayed up late.

I was really wrestling with my eating at the later part of the day, but I looked at my calories and kept everything logged, letting myself go beyond just a little while maintaining my calorie deficit. It's about 300 less than it normally is.

It was a good choice and a compromise. Rigidity will burn you out, but with a little bit of flexibility, the whole is preserved.

Middle way!

Today was an exercise in will. I did not feel like it, but once I got into my run everything smoothed out.

What we feel is not immutable. Feelings are something we experience but they don’t define us. The choices that we make about those feelings will.

While I do practice mindfulness lately I’ve been asking myself, what will I think about the choices I’m making now, tomorrow ? It’s been a powerful tool!

My life was not always so disciplined, but I've learned as I've aged that having these moments act like the rhythm beats in a song. They are touchstones that help me orient and follow the melody of each day, helping me deal with whatever I will face.

Good morning groovy souls!

I'm wrapping up my morning wake up routine and will head to the gym for morning workout after meditation.

My morning routine takes about three hours. Starting with a half-hour workout, that is the first thing I do after getting out of bed, washing my face and brushing teeth, breakfast, dishes, and finally, meditation and devotional before heading to the gym for the days workout.

I call these my "foundations" on this routine I build my days.

Good afternoon groovy souls!

I had a rough week for my disciplines and routines, but that's all the more reason to drill down and push harder. There is no stopping; there is only forward or back.

Onward toward the dawn!

Good morning groovy souls!

I slept a whole 4 and a half hours and we’re on the way home. Husband got 7 for the first time in days and he’s out of hypertensive crisis.

Following up and trying to have a nice anniversary. Tomorrow I get back on the bounce with my routine. He’s got medical follow ups next week.

I'm on the ramble, but as I reflect on all of this, and look back on what I've posted the last few minutes, in many ways a journal in its own right, I realize how much of a trusted community this place is.

I share here, because this is my safe place, and you are my safe community. Thank you for hearing me, thank you for your patience with my rambles, and the repeating lessons I'm trying to learn.

Onward, toward the dawn!

So yeah. I'm concerned. I'm afraid right now that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find him non responsive, but I can do nothing about that if it is what is fated to be.

THese kinds of conditions are always very near things until brought under control. He's not critical, but could be there in an instant.

But the same thing could be said for all of us. One of the reasons loss hits us so hard, is not just the loss but the reminder of how fragile, and tenuous of a guarantee another moment is.

I'm getting away from recrimination and its being replaced by analysis and curiosity. Instead of trying to choke out the weeds of bad habit energy, I instead look at them with interest.

Hello friend, you have a lesson for me that in my anger and damage I have failed to learn. Let me sit and watch you, and figure how you work, so I might heal, instead of repeat cycles endlessly.

The irony is that this sometimes means I repeat old cycles. Every stumble is a teacher, every setback an opportunity

I'm resolved to be a better stronger me tomorrow. Looking intently at my stress eating response, and the frustration of trying to communicate to my husband how close he was to possible death without him thinking I'm trying to ply him with guilt, or my own anxiety.

I'm his wife and I don't want to be a nag. A partner is a partner, a help, we carry the load together.

TOday is our 10 year anniversary.

In the course of 45 minutes they had six ambulances come in with criticals.

There's not enough ER to go around. People were sleeping in hallways with blankets coming over them.

It shows a bit of bitterness I should work on, but I told Dad, we have the best country money can buy.

The professionals manning the walls care, but our system is so unfeeling it wounds the heart.

He's still in hypertensive crisis. But HC Is a weird condition, his system is redlined. It could go bad at literally any moment, but likely won't, but it could.

One thing that is for certain, waiting endlessly in a packed ER, with the promise of another six to eight hour wait to be seen for antibiotics, and ana admonition to follow up with his PCP was not going to help his Blood Pressure.

The nurse let us go home, advised we stay but said it wouldn't AMA us on the insurance.

We're back at the hotel and I've been awake since 0045 yesterday PST when it was 0345 for me EST.

I've crossed the continent, and caught a half hour cat nap in the ER, after slamming down a cup of coffee to keep the tired away longe enough to move the truck safely.

Now I'm awake.

Waggs is out cold. We have the room until noon, and I really should rest, but my brain is very busy. I took a hot shower, and will let my hair dry. Going to do something mindless like a video game, then journal.