What a shallow world we live in! Has anyone ever been rejected for all of the wrong reasons when it comes to dating? I’m plagued with always being dumped for “being too polite”….as if I’m being fake about it. What you see with me is what you get….and some people just stupidly can’t handle that. Have we become such a materialistic society that good people are considered boring now? WTF??
@kel Yes I’m sure they did me a favor too, but it still sucks ass.
@Punisher1976 Hang in there!
@Punisher1976 @kel
The question is, why are you attracted to people who want someone who isn't polite?
@EileenKCarpenter @kel Nice unfair deflection there. You’re being muted
Don’t give up.
I sometimes lament the nice guys I walked away from because of preference for bad boys who had nothing but pain to offer.
The right partner will find you 💫
@LnzyHou “right partner will find me”? When?? I’m 47, never been married, no kids….can’t pass a third date to save my fucking life because of being unfairly considered “boring” or having “ulterior motives”. Latest disaster of a date happened when I tried to pay for both mine and my date’s meal and unfairly being accused of treating her “like a whore”. Seriously, WTF?? Getting accused of crap you haven’t done is very disheartening
@Punisher1976 @LnzyHou Are you using a dating service? If so, make sure your profile states you are an old fashioned guy who likes being polite, opening doors for others, etc. That way there can be no accidental pairing with someone who mistakes old fashioned politeness for “treating her like a white” (I have no idea how she got there but I do know some women are uncomfortable with having doors opened and the man paying. But I also know some don’t mind a bit if that and done really like this.
My son was dating a new woman years ago. He bought her roses & took her to a really nice restaurant.
After a couple drinks, she announced she was going to restroom. When she stood up, so did my son.
She was immediately horrified & accused him of trying to follow her into the restroom.
He was embarrassed & dumbfounded by her conduct. That was their last date.
He found a partner who appreciated a man with manners.
@LnzyHou @Punisher1976. Wow. I find it hard to believe that today’s younger people don’t even know that a man standing up when a woman stands up is just old fashioned manners. They don’t watch enough old black and white movies.
@cjcrew @LnzyHou It’s almost like a group of people,whether they be men or women, had too much time on their hands and decided “Hey! Let’s make it near fucking impossible for anyone to find a soulmate anymore based on their merits and let’s turn those merits into bullshit flaws to use against them!” People are just too fucking much anymore! They don’t realize how good we can have it in society but want to make it miserable for the majority with nonsense and crap.
@Punisher1976 @LnzyHou Don’t despair. If dating service aren’t working try basic socializing. Dances, banquets, sports, music. They all involve people. Even this backward hick area has social functions where people can be met. Your area should have something. Hobbies are good. Sports, social functions, political functions, church, school. There are a lot of places where you can meet other people, making friends and even find someone to spend your life with.
@Punisher1976 @LnzyHou Fuck these people, you make your own rules.
@Punisher1976 @LnzyHou What I’ve noticed in my lifetime is people follow, they just need a leader. I’m an introvert but I’ve taken charge at times and turned things around so I know it can be done. I don’t like doing it but the question would be how important is this to you? It’s amazing what you can do when it’s important enough to you.
@Punisher1976 @LnzyHou And believe me, somewhere there is a woman or man thinking the exact same thing you are. It’s hard for everyone, you just have to take those first steps.
@Punisher1976 @LnzyHou This is really kinda human nature isn’t it? We like to complicate things.
@cjcrew @LnzyHou Too many so-called SJW’s fighting for illegitimate causes is another reason why no one likes to focus on the good things people have to offer as opposed to their fewer flaws and have twisted everything around and act like those that do have good qualities must have something wrong with them…..”Oh he/she is so nice they just be hiding something!” That is at least my take on the whole thing.
They aren’t raised with manners. Lousy parents.
@LnzyHou @cjcrew You got that right, right on its head. I was drilled by my parents how to be polite and show manners no matter what the situation was. If I was ever interpreted as “rude”, boy did I get privileges taken away even unfairly at times. These lousy parents shouldn’t have kids if they are not going to guide them or discipline them.
@LnzyHou @Punisher1976 Could be lousy manners but it could also be that these are not really niceties we observe anymore. Not on a regular basis anyway. I’m old enough that many of my peers were brought up with these manners. I wasn’t, I learned them through mistakes, observation and friends who helped guide me. My family was not social and what socializations we did have usually didn’t include the need for politeness.
This event took place 20 yrs ago when it was an issue.
Men never stand anymore. At least not for me.
Back in the day, I frequently approached a table of men saying “No need to stand”. Because they did.
@LnzyHou @Punisher1976 The last guy I dated was very big in the overt niceties. Covered his cold heart when it came to money. He was generous with some but very stingy with people not in his inner circle, including his own family.
@LnzyHou @Punisher1976 I never even knew men still did this until I dated a guy who did this.
@LnzyHou @cjcrew @Punisher1976
I would just feel seen
@Idissent @LnzyHou @Punisher1976 Some people are uncomfortable with being too seen. I am one of those. Mom wasn’t big on demonstrative displays of affection, we knew we were loved, we just didn’t pair it with lots of hugs and kisses. As a sexual assault survivor I am very uncomfortable having someone I don’t know well in my personal space. I’m protective of my personal space.
@cjcrew @LnzyHou @Punisher1976
Perfectly understandable. My household was much like you described minus any abuse. I'm so incredibly sorry
@Idissent @LnzyHou @Punisher1976 It’s weird that something that happened so long ago still affects my life in significant ways. But I’ve learned to adapt most of the time.
@Idissent @LnzyHou @Punisher1976 And as hard as my childhood might have been, I came out of it stronger and with abilities I would not have had if my family had been the Cleavers.
@Idissent @LnzyHou @Punisher1976 Do you not feel seen now? I’ve seen you, I’ve always liked your name.
@cjcrew @LnzyHou @Punisher1976
Oh, I feel seen. Definitely here but I thought standing up when a woman leaves the table was a sweet gesture
@Idissent @LnzyHou @Punisher1976 It is, if you let it be. I’ve known people, mostly women, who are so concerned with not allowing men to be condescending toward them that they refuse to allow a man to show these polite actions. It doesn’t bother me but it does bother them. I always thought it was because I was raised in a different time period and with 4 brothers. I’ve never felt intimidated by most men, I grew up around so many of them.
@cjcrew @Idissent @Punisher1976
Men have never intimidated me either.
Politeness is not condescending. Women who think it is are too defended. Enjoy the kindnesses extended by anyone.
Nobody taught this POS manners either.
@LnzyHou @Idissent @Punisher1976 He’s an ignorant asshole. He has no clue how to be polite. Hell he has no clue how to be nice, even his nice is creepy.
@cjcrew @Idissent @LnzyHou @Punisher1976
I consider myself a strong, capable woman.
Yesterday, I had a tire going down, so I pulled into a gas station to air it up. Took off the valve cover and pulled the air hose over. I nice man in a pickup was next to me, and asked if he could help me. I said “yes, thank you so much!” He got it aired up and I thanked him again. Could I have done it myself? Of course! But turning down his offer would have been rude. Saying yes told him that he was a good guy.
@Smccune55 @cjcrew @Idissent @LnzyHou Wow! You deserve a follow for that wonderful response. It just takes a little consideration on the part of both parties with situations like this. Too often I have been met with standoffish behavior for similar situations. 🙁
@Punisher1976 @Smccune55 @Idissent @LnzyHou It’s not easy to accept help, especially if you’re the independent type. I do try to be accepting when I am cognizant of someone trying to help.
@Smccune55 @cjcrew @LnzyHou @Punisher1976
I like this, I would do the same
@Smccune55 @cjcrew @Idissent @Punisher1976
Would have joyfully accepted his kindness.
@Punisher1976 I would say a big yes to that. I see that with my widowed friends, and also my son. It's hard for them to make meaningful connections. It makes me understand why people choose to stay single.
@Punisher1976 Currently going through the same thing. Dating apps are especially frustrating. People are rude.
@bmacmixer Not just rude, but blatantly stuck up and fucking stupid. The entitlement I have encountered is absolutely disgusting!
As I was told by a family member, the more they show their ass the easier to weed out the negative people. It’s difficult not to ruminate a bit when they are jerks but in the end they are not worth our time.
@Punisher1976 When I was younger there used to be singles dances on the weekends that friends of mine would go to. If they are still happening, try this as a way to meet others. Above all, do not come across as desperate, that scares some people. Join a group that does something you enjoy, astronomy, hiking, tours, something that helps you meet people with similar interests. Just go out and have fun, when you stop looking for a soul mate, you often find them.
@Punisher1976 Every date that ever dumped me did me a huge favor.