Thank you, everyone!! I really, really appreciate your perspectives and help with what words to say.
And thank you for your caring thoughts and words, too 🙏🏼

@Armchaircouch I lost my best friend around that age. Some thoughts with the benefit of time. It’s ok to cry. Grief comes in waves, and while it will get easier, every once in a while a surprise wave will hit you hard. Honour their memory in the way you feel is appropriate. Although the hurt and memory may never go away, it will get easier. Wishing you and your family peace.

@Armchaircouch
Ppl this hurt & broken are raw emotionally & I feel they prefer honesty rather than platitudes.
Tell him you don't know what to say to make it better for him, that you love him and are, and will be there for him.
We don't do grief very well in NA, makes us uncomfortable. After the funeral & Celebration of Life we act as if everything is back to normal.
Get him to talk about his friend, encourage him to tell you funny stories about things they did. Just be there 4 him.💔

@Armchaircouch I've never been in that situation, but i think i would want to hear something like: "I'm so sorry. This makes no sense and it's unfair. I want you to know that you don't have to go through your grief alone, or pretend you're ok if you're not. Lean on the people who care about you because we love you so much and want to be there for any help you need."

@Armchaircouch 💔

@Armchaircouch

I am sorry to read this. For your nephew and for you. I have lost family to tragedy (an uncle to a drunk boat motorist, a cousin to a GSW, an aunt to a drunk driver). I think losing a best friend is more traumatic than I could ever imagine.

I am in agreement with whoever said the thing about platitudes. The only “horrible” thing said to me was, “death is a part of life.” Everyone knows this, but it is not helpful.

Being present (not necessarily physically) is where it’s at.💜

@Armchaircouch The Best thing you can possibly do for him right now is listen. Let him share his memories, the laughs, the tears, the rage, all of it that he feels like sharing and be his support. I hope they find the culprit but right now your nephew needs you.

@Armchaircouch
There’s nothing you can say that will help, really. When I’ve faced this, I’ve just let it be known that I was there to listen and to help if they wanted it.

@Armchaircouch

The biggest help to me, when I've been grieving, were people who were simply present. They let it be known they were available to talk, were physically around, maybe helped with day to day chores.

The worst were people who offered platitudes, or who seemed so upset on my behalf that I ended up doing emotional labor for them.

OH DEAR. THIS POST WAS SET TO SELF-DETONATE 💣 💥 🔥

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@Armchaircouch first off my condolences for what you and your nephew are having to go through. This is never an easy thing to process.

Everyone else has given you more or less what I would offer up, sans one last bit of advice.

One of my military buddies was the only person to ever stress to me this:

Grief isn't linear. It's okay if you have a day where you "laugh too soon" or cry "when you should be over it".

It was honestly one of the best bits of advice I ever got dn this subject.