#MentalHealth

Every person with bipolar is different. I can tell when I'm in a downcycle because I have an unbearable ache to be silent--I can't stand hearing the sound of my voice, or seeing any sign of myself in the world--& I'm furious with myself for not just going away & being silent forever.

It passes, & my downcycles used to be much, much worse, but when they come around they carry such history.

The trick is not being angry at all the waste.

Feed gratitude for still being here at all.

The marching band is practising the melody for this song - but for a version with religious lyrics used in churches here.

It makes perfect sense to repurpose the melody, because it *feels* sacred. And it is, but differently: The original addresses the ache of our estrangement. The pain of living in a world of such loneliness and neglect, despite all the songs we sing to try to bridge the gaps.

60 years old.
Though it wallowed in silence for two years itself.

#CoSoMusic
https://youtu.be/nkUOACGtGfA

My sociopath pod is trying to make sense this morning of global violence... while keeping to its usual upbeat financial market spin. The tone is ridiculous. Our world is ridiculous. 🙃 Good morning starshines. Happy February.

Sometimes I get behind on my writing when there's something I feel I'm missing, or when the news is in a rush to report on X.

This has been a week for that caution. Sometimes I just want to listen, and think longer.

But we don't live like Montaigne, alone with his library for years to write his great essays.

We have to strike a balance.

Speak even when full confidence has left us.

And have grace with each other, if the other shoe drops before we've had a chance to finish our first thoughts.

😊

Well hot dog. My beta readers think the book's A-OK.

I've put together all requisite secondary materials - pitch paragraphs, one-page book summary, three-page trilogy notes - and drafted a friendly howdy to my agent.

It's scheduled to go out tomorrow morning, to start February off right. After that... 🤷‍♀️ it could be weeks before I hear back, or months before she has time to read the MS, to decide if she wants to pitch it to presses.

But at least it'll be out of my hands.

#WritingCommunity

Part of my new anxiety-reducing regimen is fighting the urge to write before set writing blocks (the work expands to meet the time allowed, etc.), so... I've been pacing by my desk waiting for the big hand to hit twelve. 🙃 Water for tea boiling now, and the day's first 4-hour work block just minutes off.

Have a good one, loves!

#RandomThoughts

In English, one "pulls a [NAME]" if they do something another person is known to do.

In Spanish, one "does a [NAME as an adjective]", "hacer un [NAME]-ado/-eado".

If someone has "pulled a [YOUR NAME]", what would they have had to have done? 👀

Going to start a planned February regimen a day early. The nervous energy from our deeply troubled world is difficult to manage. It's not just the awfulness in the news; it's the relentless reminders of immaturity in the face of it all, from so many.

I thought it was bad enough dealing with a tankie in the family post-Ukraine invasion, but whew. The number of people *so eager* to leap further into destruction is tough. I get that walking the knife's edge is, too--but it's better than giving in.

🤔 If we keep our pirate names until February 14, will it be assumed that we're on a quest for booty?

@WordsmithFL, you get first choice of sammies!

I'm sure the climate's going to be a nightmare when we get there, but if anyone can give me a lift to the next decade, to cut down on all the waiting for the rest of this one's fresh hells to arrive, that'd be just great. 🙃 I'll even pack us a lunch.

First my morning class asked to move to lunch, then begged out because she admitted that she's sick. Now my evening classes have cancelled from illness.

We don't have winter here--but we're still seeing a lot of colds and flus. Do take good care of yourselves if you see symptoms.