Am I supposed to "look" a particular way, if I have #depression? Really? OK, what does that look like?

Is it that I haven't had a bath for a week because I can't? Do you notice my greasy hair? How about the shitty breath I have because I haven't brushed my teeth because I'm spending too much mental energy just trying not to unalive myself while my latest med kicks in?

@KodoAndSangha Right??? Am I supposed to... what, dress all in black & have long, lanky hair & dark circles under my eyes? Or what?

It's especially fun telling someone you have #depression, & they immediately respond with "Huh... you don't LOOK depressed."

I actually got that from one of the DOCTORS I work with.

& people who have never had #depression have no goddamn clue what it's like to live with. No. Goddamn. Clue.

Which is tremendously frustrating.

I'd love to get an ADA accommodation for work for depression, for instance. I work at a hospital, & even there, in a workplace FULL of people who know what psych issues are like, it's hard to get any kind of accommodation in place for an invisible disability like #depression.

#depression also affects things like executive function, including the ability to activate yourself - not sure what it's called, but just the ability to say "Hm, I'mma do this thing" & then just *get up* & do that thing.

There's a name for that activation thing. It isn't motivation either, it's something slightly different. Tho' #depression does also impact motivation for a lot of people too.

...they were great until my insurance co. decided to stop covering them, or I lost my job, or moved, & had to start all over again with new docs & new meds & new insurance (or NO insurance). #depression

Some #depression is completely intractable. Some is highly treatable. Some is short-term or short-lived, especially if it's a reaction to some traumatic or painful thing that happens to a person - like grief that gets stuck.

Mine's intractable. I've been on probably over two dozen meds (including supplements) in the past 40 years. Some worked for a while then stopped, some never worked, some were great, buuuuuut....

There are about a bazillion meds on the market nowadays to treat it, & finding the right med for #depression is a bit like Russian roulette, in that if you get the wrong med there is a non-zero chance that it'll make you suicidal, or make any present suicidality worse.

#depression hits your whole body though. & it's different for everybody. Some people have a lot of physical pain with it, others don't. Some gain a lot of weight, others lose. Some have anxiety along with it, others don't. Some have fatigue, others have insomnia, still others have both. (I have both, WHEEEEE SO FUCKING FUN.)

#depression is a whole-body disease. It isn't just mood, tho' mood is usually affected too. For me the mood issue is a combo platter of either crippling, weepy lability or absolutely deadened, endless gray apathy. It's like living in a fog, going through the motions, not really giving a shit about anything because you literally *can't*.

This adventure I've been having with the pharmacy & insurance co. is part of what living with #depression looks like.

Ok, update: got a 30-day Rx at the local pharmacy. I called to confirm, so I know it's there (or at least it should be). Also got a GoodRx coupon. Rx will be ready after 5:30 Pm today so I'll head over, pick up a couple of other items, and get the Rx as well. Then when I'm back in town (yeah I'm out of town, SO FUN) I'll figure out a longer-term solution.

@Agatha Ugh. It's so disgusting.

@Redskye572 UGH. Health care coverage in the US is goddamn *inhumane*.

Incidentally, my health insurance co. is Regence Blue Shield. Usually it's pretty good, but it's still an insurance co. & still prone to doing anything it possibly can to save $$$ by fucking over patients.

@Graci Hm yeah looks like there's a savings card. That might be an option.

We're trying to figure out a fast GoodRx solution at the moment. Probably an emergency Rx and then go from there.

I learned today that my insurance company has decided to stop covering the psych med I've been taking for the past 5 years. I have 2 tablets left. My psych NP & I have been trying to get a refill so I don't go through withdrawal.

This is medical "care" in the United States. Gotta love it.

Sweet Jeebus on a pogo stick, I miss my dog. HARD.

Mom's neurologist is recommending palliative care for her. I fucking hope they go for it because a) mom needs it, & b) dad can't really take care of her.