Scientifically speaking, the shortest possible route between silently content and supremely fucking irritated is MY FAMILY

This is my rifle. This is my gun. I own two firearms.

This shit is bananas *spells bananas

Nobody:

Introverts:

Me: *stares into abyss

Abyss: ......

Abyss: dude, WHAT!?

I scream

you scream

we all scream, for

life is confusing and scary 🍦

Ghosts are just relics of the passed 👻

Write me a #haiku
Ok how hard can it be?
See, totally smashed it

I kind of wish one day we see a Cameroon 🇨🇲 v Chad 🇹🇩 #WorldCup final because its almost “Cameron v Chad” which just sounds like two cool guys playing football 😎

#WorldCup2022

My pronouns are mac/cheese

@amarand i hope so 🤖

Google asks me so many times a day if I’m a robot or not I am genuinely starting to wonder if I am

Sirens across Beijing for Jiang Zemin. 👀

New social initiative

My edge is more of a lolling slope

If you stand for nothing you will fall for anything.

if you fall for anything then I’d appreciate a minute of your time to talk about an exciting crypto currency opportunity

Hear me out, what if we just DID make “fetch” happen?

Folks at my gym front desk don’t read English so I sign in as “Jenny from the block”. Helps me feel humble and grounded during my workout 🙏🏻

Germany, the only country so far to break the “three reichs and you’re out” rule

The best gifts come wrapped in people 🎁