Told my gf she worries too much. But what if its I dont worry enough? WHAT IF I DONT WORRY ENOUGH?!

Thoughts without passports

We have nothing to fur but furries themselves

Mars: hey earth you look terrible. Still got that parasitic infection?

Earth: yeah, i cant seem to shake it

Mars:

Earth:

Asteroid: DONT MOVE, I GOT YOU FAM!

Just remember not everything is about you. And if you’re lucky NOTHING will be about you

Petition to name single cell organisms “the greatest generation”

@Madken65 the best part is, if you’re famous they just LET YOU

We had hunting, we had gathering. If it aint broke….

@thedisasterautist can I quote you on that?

@Madken65 aint nobody got no sense of humour no more ☹️

*first day back after short mental health break from work*

Colleague: where have you been?

Me: I won the lottery

Colleague: then why are you back?

Me: lost the ticket ☹️

Humans ☕️

@poemblaze i think its some kind of joint affliction. Like gout

On the upside, WW3 should make us all a nuclear family

@poemblaze pipe down, Maurice (whoo-woooo)!

Oh, please. Nobody calls you the space cowboy

You ever spite-watch a video in your YouTube recommendations just so it will stfu about it and stop recommending it? Yeah, me too

Ok rock climbers, I know you really enjoy it but please stop incessantly posting videos on social media of you slowly ascending a colourful 14 foot indoor wall

Pretty sure the last of us was just somebody watching the Walking Dead on a psilocybin trip and going “lets write THAT”

Plenty of fish in the sea. Just remember sharks are fish too though