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Holy shit I think I'm actually growing some self esteem.

@tippitiwichet If you don't mind my asking, was there something that prompted this personal growth? If you do mind, that's ok, too.

@tippitiwichet If you don't mind me asking, how? Cause I got nothingπŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

@Kaysymmetry @Ironworker229 Tons of mindfulness and this journal thing I've organized notes on de-escalation and street epistemology, etc. In part because I have massive social anxiety that can trigger my dystonia spasms, which is embarrassing and interrupts communication, and gets worse when I'm flustered with irritation at people being assholes. One of the people I wanted to communicate with was my emotionally abusive partner that I just split from after I earned a stay on the psych ward.

@Kaysymmetry @Ironworker229 He used generosity to show what a nice guy he was over Christmas, and he can indeed be. He has untreated trauma and addiction issues. He has been using my compassion to ignore my boundaries. I have PTSD, do not ignore my boundaries. Anyway, I edited our last argument into one super long screenshot to talk to my shrink about and I was embarrassed at losing my temper. I've been scanning it for signs of bias, and I'm realizing I showed a lot of skill and kept my cool.

@Kaysymmetry @Ironworker229 Usually I can't look at our fights, I second guess myself too much, I got into the habit of not reading his replies and blocking him instead. He didn't get into my head this time. I wasn't as incoherent as I thought. I did not fall into a single trap. I'm getting stronger, and I realized I have a right to be proud about it.

@tippitiwichet It sounds like you should be proud of yourself for staying in control. I can only guess at the button-pushing that may be going on in those convo's. It's good that you're feeling stronger and more confident. @Kaysymmetry

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