How do news anchors not just sit there silently shaking their heads for an entire hour?

I just discovered the far right edge of my laptop's touch pad does single finger scrolling.

So I'm going from this: ✌️

To this: 🖕

And my computing life is 100% improved.

The guy I hired to do my landscaping is terrible. All he did was dig a few holes then nap on a leaf pile. #DogsOfCoSo https://counter.social/media/K0WjnZgVXS1XX4ihUqo

Somebody recommended I try Cardi B, but GNC doesn't carry it?

It would be so much easier living in Portland if these idiots would stop calling their trilbies fedoras.

Look in the mirror: If you look like Indiana Jones, you are wearing a fedora. If you look like a douche, you are wearing a trilby.

I cannot take Affleck's Batman seriously knowing underneath that cape is a taste-offending, giant back tattoo.

I would like to point out Idris Elba's tramp stamp is subtle and tasteful.

I wish when I say crazy-ass shit, an entire government would bend over backwards to make what I say a reality.

I was able to justify spending $160 on this keyboard. Do not judge me.

https://counter.social/media/0ZHtrF-xv3Y-UaL1Nis

Poor, little comma... You did your best. https://counter.social/media/nW-SFu14kJxN6lHBeHs

You may be surprised to know, I really hate the internet on April Fool's Day.

Somebody explain to me why these assholes won't let me draft Legolas for my fantasy baseball league.

Nobody ever cared this much about my bunghole on Twitter.

My dinner is a mess of jalapeño poppers, because I'm an adult and I don't have to answer to anybody.

I like how Amazon wants me to answer customer questions as if we live in a time before Google or me giving a shit about being an unpaid Amazon customer service representative.

#CoSoMusic

"Gold" - Once OST

The entire soundtrack is a damned miracle.

https://youtu.be/9oH-B0LMnzU

#CoSoMusic

Forgot how much I like David Gray.

"This Year's Love"

https://youtu.be/6zN4_7hq77g