2: The company that produces the connectors for electrical appliances doesn't need to advertise, though it does need a plug once in a while.

1: Make shoes out of Lego. When you step on a piece it wont hurt, you just get taller.

4: Not all my maths puns are terrible Just sum.

3: One of the reasons I married my wife was her looks. But not the ones I'm getting lately.

2: Although Jesus was known as a
Carpenter, he never actually sang on any of the albums.

1: I wonder if the guy who coined the phrase “one hit wonder” ever came up with any other phrases.

4: I’m really pleased with my vegetable patch.
Haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks....

3: If anyone has any advice about my persistent condensation problem, please call round.
My kettle is always on.

2: I watched my first pornographic movie last night, I
could not believe just how young I looked!

1: I've put up a massive net in my back garden 20 foot by 20 foot to try and catch the Grim Reaper.
The council have told me to take it down. Apparently it's a death trap.

4: I hired a handyman and he only got items 1, 3, and 5
done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.

3: I had a plumber who did a really bad job, if you need
a plumber don't use Lee King.

4: I said to my girlfriend,"I want you to have this bracelet, it belonged to my Grandmother."
She said, "Thank you but what does DNR mean?"

3: Rent the same car as you own. Switch the tyres.
Follow me for more money saving tips.

2: You don't have to own a dog to carry a bag of poop around in public. Literally anyone can do it.

1: Well, I failed another mime audition today. It must have been something I said.

If you’re planning on getting an iPhone 15 Pro, either get a case and use it or choose the white or natural finish. There’s a sound metallurgical reason for such a choice: you can’t polish out scratches in titanium. The previous 14 Pro used stainless steel which is much harder than titanium. Any scratches on a 15 Pro’s titanium will show as natural titanium and be far more obvious on the blue and black models. They’d be less visible on the white and natural colour finishes.

It took three tries but I have placed an order for an iPhone 15 Pro, 256 GB in natural titanium finish. I'll buy a suitable MagSafe case on Amazon. I can pick it up from the nearest Apple store on Friday afternoon next week.

2: I walking through a graveyard just after breakfast and saw a man kneeling behind a gravestone.
"Morning," I said.
"No," he replied, "just doing some weeding."

1: My local fish & chip shop has started using magazines as wrapping instead of newspaper.
I'm eating them out of House and Home.

4: I have just finished my sandwich filling degree, I do my final eggs ham tomorrow...

3: My brother holds the record for eating power drill
accessories. There is no stopping him once he's got the bit between his teeth.

I tried to organise a hide-and-seek tournament,
but it was a complete failure.
Good players are hard to find.

2: I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a
screwdriver.
Turned a few heads.

1: Huge shout out to those that danced near the speakers in
the 1990s.

4: Sad to think that the inventor of chick-pea dip, only
achieved fame post-houmously.

3: Avoid answering difficult questions in meetings by
shouting "RELEASE THE BEES" into your watch and running out the door.

2: Grandad has retired as a plasterer.
They presented him with a silver trowel, engraved with the words; "For surfaces rendered."

1: Hello, If anyone is looking for a Maths teacher, I'm available 25/7...

4: 90% of bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

3: Boss: "I'd like to see you in my office."

Me: "Great, when can you move out?"

The inventor of the toothbrush was a redneck.
Because if it wasn’t so, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Hauntingly beautiful and so faithful to the original recording from 50 years ago. Universitat Autônoma de Barcelona performing Concert for the 50th anniversary of the album 'Tubular Bells' by Mike Oldfield. 4K. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Wv3oDeO3Mo
Runs for just over 51 minutes.
Enjoy!

2: Vegans need to lay off others for their eating habits.
The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.

1: The horse says "I don't think." and promptly disappears.

This is a reference to the quote "I think, therefore I am."

But had I explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.