A double edged safety razor isn't always as safe as it could be. The one I've just finished using weighs in a 5 ounces. I managed to nick my lower lip in the shaving process because of an unexplained affliction to my right wrist that's developed over the last 6 hours. Limited movement of the wrist without pain, ergo limited control of the positioning of a heavy blade razor.

Other than that, with a fresh "Derby" blade, it glides through the beardy bits with ease.

For the past 20 years, I've had a Valentine's card from a secret admirer.

I was sad I didn't get one this year!

First my gran dies, now this!

I made some fish tacos last night.

But they just ignored them and swam away.

Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I love the way the Earth rotates.

It really makes my day.

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking: “It’s psychic, you idiot.”

Seven has "even" in it.

That’s odd.

This evening I’m purely going to be posting a number of excellent puns about Westerns...

I’ve got seven and they are magnificent.

BREAKING : a lvan carrying a consignment of omega 3 capsules has overturned due to the high winds..

A spokesperson said the driver will be fine.. He's just suffered a few super fish oil injuries...

Welcome to A-Team impersonation club - I see we have a few new Faces.

Anyone who thinks Jumanji is unrealistic because a board game becomes an epic adventure and unleashes monsters has obviously never played Monopoly with my family.

Roses are red,
Violets are red,
Grass is red,
I've had a horrible accident with the line trimmer.

The coffee I just bought online from a roaster retails at $23 per 500 gram bag. Plus $15 to deliver.
Just found a source of a very similar product under 70 km away, vs 3000 km. It goes for $20 for 500 grams, not much difference, except the newly-discovered one comes via Amazon. As a Prime consumer/customer, delivery is included in the price.

Saved that to a wishlist.

Particularly pleased with the Ethiopian coffee beans that arrived yesterday. Rich flavour from a mild-golden roast with chocolatey overtones and no bitterness. This brew doesn't upset my delicate gastric system

I was in the supermarket the other day and couldn't work out which pasta I needed to buy.

Then the penne dropped.

How to cook the correct amount of pasta:

1. Pour out how much you think you need.
2. Wrong.

I was in the Supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheese at me.

Incredulous, I shouted “Well that’s not very mature is it?”

Just did a tandem parachute jump!

I’m OK but the bike's a right mess...

The Beatles' song, "Love Me Do" was written by John Lennon after he'd had a really good haircut...

I can't be bothered to rub my magic lamp myself.

I think I'll get a lad in.