I have big trouble. Possible licence suspension after I hit my next door neighbour while reversing last week. Hit HIM, not his car. Need to supply VicRoads with a medical report for fitness to drive by Wednesday Jan 31 or suspension WILL occur on Feb 1. GP report can be done online and immediately uploaded to Medical Review section. Earliest GP appointment Tues 30th at noon, appointment made. I’m a wreck and on anti-anxiety pills.

2: Whenever I pour wine it goes everywhere.
I need glasses.

1: Flamingos are white, but often appear pink because their feathers are soaked in the blood of their enemies.

4: When my car broke down the AA man asked if I could try and start it in a different gear. That really upset me as l'd only just bought this suit.

3: Spent 2 years and $10,000 publishing my autobiography.
Not a single copy sold.
Story of my life!

16: A blackout is life threatening because the air conditioner and fans stop working.
17: You keep everything in the fridge, including clothing.
18: The effort of towelling yourself off after a shower means you need another shower right away.
19: You worry the ceiling fan is spinning so fast it will fly off and kill you.
20: You laugh because you know this list is so accurate.

9: Your biggest bicycle fear is "what if I get knocked out and end up cooking on the road".
10: You realise asphalt is a liquid state.
11: Farmers are feeding chickens ice to prevent hard boiled eggs.
12: The trees are whistling for dogs.
13: Shopping Centres are temples where you worship air conditioning.
14: Sticking your head in freezers is considered normal.
15: A cup full of ice is considered a great snack.


You know it's HOT in Australia when....

1: The best carpark is determined by shade, not distance.
2: Hot water comes out of both taps.
3: You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a good branding iron.
4: The temp drops below 32ºC and you feel chilly.
5: You learn it only takes 2 fingers to steer a car.
6: You can sunburn through the windscreen of a car.
7: You develop a fear of door handles.
8: You break into a sweat at 7am.

A Turkish proverb: "The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the Axe, for the Axe was clever and convinced the Trees that because his handle was made of wood, he was one of them."

Anyone who knows me in person would think that cartoon was the cover page of my autobiography...

Happy retirement.

Things are looking up, so to speak. Nine years after cataract surgery I needed Posterior Capsulotomy laser treatment today to clear up subsequent cloudiness in one eye. This cloudiness developed suddenly some 6 weeks ago. This URL explains the process: https://www.mtwaverleyeye.com.au/posterior-capsulotomy

Reading an alternative reality novel I came upon a reference to communications via a device called a Photophone.
This was real, it converted voice into a beam of light.
Alexander Graham Bell and his assistant Sumner Tainter invented it in 1880. Bell claimed it was his greatest invention.
I can't add the relevant Wikipedia URL, so here's a shortened version using an app called Shorten URLs.
https://shrtm.nu/pZW

2: I guess we should retire the expression "avoid it like the
plague" given how little effort people put in to avoiding an actual plague.

1: I recently launched a series of books targeted at young adults.

Six of them are in hospital now, with three in intensive care.

4: Explorer and inventor of the electric oven.
Sir Ramic Hobbs.

3: My electric toothbrush ran out of charge this morning ...
..so l had to use my acoustic one.

If you catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, your pants will probably catch on fire.

2: Instead of using normal tap water for ice cubes, use boiled water instead! It's much clearer, it does makes the drink significantly hotter though...

1: Diana Ross tried to jump the queue in the supermarket.

I said, "Hey! You can't hurry, love. You'll just have to wait."

4: People who use the wrong word should have the
humidity to admit it.

3: I am going to the roofing convention this weekend.
All the shingle ladies will be there.

2: In ancient Rome there were four kinds of poisons.
Poisons I, Il, and Ill would kill you instantly..
But Poison IV would just make you itchy.

1: In the US, it's called an elevator. In Australia, it's a lift...
I guess we're just all raised differently..

(I quietly giggle whenever I enter a Schindler lift)

4: When's the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of charades.

3: Do you know what's really odd?
Numbers that aren't divisible by two.

#CoSoMusic
Ian Fontova's Celtic Country version of Marty Robbins' Big Iron: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCkpiesQRIo

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it.
To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it!

Damn! Threading a needle at my age is no joke!