I'd like to start a conversation about mortality. I've been thinking a lot about my own lately for no particular reason I can discern. The feeling that comes upon me when I think of eventually no longer existing is one of absolute dread. It's not paralyzing but I have to actively push it out of my thoughts. I wonder, not jokingly, if this is the beginning of a "midlife crisis".
@hallmarc When I was around fifty I realized that while I could always earn more money, I could not get more time. That changed my thinking a bit. For the better, I think.
@ImagineThat my "difficulty" with this is that I'm 53 and still have preteen children. I know that I'm lucky enough to be receiving more assets/money when my dad and in-laws go but I want to make sure that whatever happens to me and my wife, my kids will 100% be OK. So I work in what has become a bit of a boring job and I'm constantly frightened of losing it for whatever reason. I've come to understand the meaning of "rat race".
@hallmarc I've been thinking about it a lot in the last year or so. I'm well past midlife.
@BillieBun what are the things about it that hit you hardest?
@hallmarc Being alone when it happens. Being aware that it's happening rather than being unconscious.
@BillieBun I think in some way we're always alone when it happens...
@hallmarc But some of us will be alone, especially those with no family.
@BillieBun I wish everyone's life could be chronicled so nobody is ever forgotten.
@hallmarc I may have some screws loose, but personally, I look forward to my end. I get depressed knowing that it's still so far away.
My life has been difficult. It got even worse when my gf passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. Now all I think about is wanting to hold her again.
I long for the day we'll be reunited.
For me, living without her is a curse.
I don't want to live to be in my seventies. I'm fine going much sooner.
@Gord02 I can only understand this from an intellectual perspective. I'm very sorry that you lost someone who kept you moving forward. I hope you find other things to help you enjoy life and perhaps change others' lives as well.
@hallmarc I do the best that I can to raise my teenage boys, but I still feel so empty inside. I no longer know what I'm looking for. All of the dreams I had are no longer the same.
I feel I just exist.
I try and fight it, but it all feels like wasted effort.
I still keep trying, like a fool, but I just never find what I'm looking for.
@Gord02 do you have any good friends from childhood or otherwise? In my case, I had those for the first half of my life and now most of my friends are those shared with my wife (hers first).
@hallmarc I grew up in Indiana. I'm now living in San Diego. All of my friends are back home or are scattered to various parts of the country.
My youngest is a Freshman in High School, so in about 4 years, I should be free to pick up and move. Maybe then I'll find where I fit in.
@Gord02 reconnect and keep in touch with your old friends. My wife has an amazing group of friends everywhere. She puts in the work, on the phone and FB as much as possible, to stay connected. I know it's generally harder for men but it's worth it.
@hallmarc Well, you're not going to feel dread, or any other distress after you're dead.
I hope you find a way not to mess up the days you have left to live by dreading that which comes to everyone.
Easier said, than done, I know.
Does something stand out, in how this feelings comes to you, or does it seem attached to any images or ideas that distress you?
@CoyoteConscious that's not the distress or dread that bothers me of course...
@hallmarc Well, I meant "is it just nebulous dread of not existing" or do you have specific things that pop up attached to the dread.
I mean, just dread is reasonable. It's death!
@CoyoteConscious it pops up repeatedly during the day... I look around and just think that none of it matters. I will die, my children will die, whatever I've done will die, my name will die, humanity will die, the universe will die. We are the lucky ones who have existed, out of the trillions upon trillions of possible human lives. But we also bear the burden of knowing that it's fleeting and no matter how we try, we cannot change anything.
@hallmarc I'm not surprised. I've been watching people be afraid to discuss their own death since it was invented.
It's scary. We have instincts telling us not to run towards the death.
But what I feel like people should be a little more scared of is the impact of not being ready for it, and of leaving others behind with a mess we didn't prepare for at all.
@AskTheDevil does the devil not understand sarcasm? 😂 Sympathy for you...
@hallmarc I do. I merely feel no obligation to respond to it in any particular way except how it suits me at the moment.
I find that sometimes we use humor, including sarcasm, to blunt things we're thinking about deeply.
And sometimes just to deflect.
So sometimes I respond to sarcasm literally - not to be a jerk, but because what was said feels like it can be answered.
@AskTheDevil and why should that matter? The people who inherit the mess will live their lives and then die too, unremembered, and the universe will march on, unabated and unamused. Maybe you'll still be around, still causing trouble...
@hallmarc Not everyone dies unremembered. I remember a few of them. : )
Recently, I was thinking of a great aunt and uncle of mine. They didn't have children and died in the late 90s. Nostalgia hit me and I did an internet search. I had lots of information about them with which to start looking and... nothing.
I then realized my brother and I were likely the only people who remembered this wonderful couple ever existed as other than a grave marker.
So, that was the end of my death thinking, cause 😭
I'm surprised that so few people want to talk about their own death! 😂