I'd like to start a conversation about mortality. I've been thinking a lot about my own lately for no particular reason I can discern. The feeling that comes upon me when I think of eventually no longer existing is one of absolute dread. It's not paralyzing but I have to actively push it out of my thoughts. I wonder, not jokingly, if this is the beginning of a "midlife crisis".
@hallmarc I may have some screws loose, but personally, I look forward to my end. I get depressed knowing that it's still so far away.
My life has been difficult. It got even worse when my gf passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. Now all I think about is wanting to hold her again.
I long for the day we'll be reunited.
For me, living without her is a curse.
I don't want to live to be in my seventies. I'm fine going much sooner.
@Gord02 do you have any good friends from childhood or otherwise? In my case, I had those for the first half of my life and now most of my friends are those shared with my wife (hers first).
@hallmarc I grew up in Indiana. I'm now living in San Diego. All of my friends are back home or are scattered to various parts of the country.
My youngest is a Freshman in High School, so in about 4 years, I should be free to pick up and move. Maybe then I'll find where I fit in.
@Gord02 reconnect and keep in touch with your old friends. My wife has an amazing group of friends everywhere. She puts in the work, on the phone and FB as much as possible, to stay connected. I know it's generally harder for men but it's worth it.
@hallmarc I do the best that I can to raise my teenage boys, but I still feel so empty inside. I no longer know what I'm looking for. All of the dreams I had are no longer the same.
I feel I just exist.
I try and fight it, but it all feels like wasted effort.
I still keep trying, like a fool, but I just never find what I'm looking for.