I have scrapped so many ways of saying this, but here it is: I have made me a fundraiser because I will need help not only to emotionally get through my cancer fight but also to pay for it. And that is one fucked up thing for sure. If you are inspired to share and / or contribute, I am grateful.
Good luck. I have stage 1 B cell lymphoma. The fun cancer (okay, it’s actually not fun at all).
First, don’t go dark. Talk to people everyday. Trust me on this, it’s easy to wander to that precipice where darkness reigns.
I’m lucky I’m on Medicare. But fixed incomes are still fixed. So I probably won’t be able to help with cash.
Cancer sucks. Really sucks. Like 3AM Emergency Room visit because your white blood cells crashed sucks (ER doc was really sweet).
I’ve got a port over my left boob and the tumor was so big it looked like I had a chin sprouting from my neck. I thought about putting a googly eye on the side of my face to look like a Picasso — but that was before the prednisone and frankly the best I could do is moan in pain 24/7. Like the worst headaches in your life.
For two months.
Fun part? Tumor was wrapped around my carotid and a few other nerves. Creeepy!!!
But it’s living. Big suggestion, start a diary.
@feloneouscat
I am hereby packing all of my empathy in this response but I will not favorite or like or anything or that nature, the story of that tumor. I am so very sorry you had to go through that. I hope days of torturing pain are over.
It just is. This is as much as life as birth or a wedding. Does it suck donkey dicks? Um. Yes?
That’s the thing. I’m not a hero. I’m just very, very ill. But that’s cool. I’m still alive.
I take all forms of love. Whatever is cool for you.
I’m cool with cancer (technically it’s not that I really have a choice😬). And, yeah, I’ve had a few tiny violin moments feeling sorry for myself — which made no difference at all.
💚💚💚
@feloneouscat
I feel that your spirit is such an invaluable lesson to me right now - thank you
Good.
Trust me, I’ve walked to the edge of total despair — that’s the wrong direction. Fuck cancer. Seriously it can fuck all the way off.
I have two hoses who I can’t even get close to (cute disease vectors). Yeah, it’s hard. Just showering can be like a mile run. Panting, heart over 90. Insane.
Even with Medicare we still have to fight the folks who do X-Rays (“You owe a bazillion dollars” “Uh,no, you never ran it through insurance you fucks!” — this is why Partner talks)
@feloneouscat
My go-to source of all that is pure and good is our menagerie of dogs and cats. The cats recently have been very insistent on sitting on me and purring. Multiple cats at the same time. There is research about the healing properties of purrs. They are my nurses.
We have two horses which sadly are little disease vectors. I can sit in the car and wave and talk to them but that’s it.
I’m glad we don’t have cats now. But, yeah, at times a purring cat would be so comforting. But, again, low white cells (sigh). Even getting accidentally scratched could be make for a very terrible horribly awful bad day.
@feloneouscat
I am sorry but I completely understand and agree that you should not endanger yourself!
@feloneouscat
Partners can be so amazing. In our couple-dom, I am the angry one, not the nice one. So...
@publickovacs
Seriously, no sugarcoat it’s tough. You have to find the humour in the dumbest things (like when I swallow, sometimes it goes up and out my nose — and out! Gross!)
I watch a LOT of Disney movies. Good at keeping your spirits up. Even the songs are upbeat.