Heartwarming ain’t it

Basketball and football are like GIVE ME THAT GODDAMN BALL RIGHT FUCKING NOW, and baseball is like get that fucking ball away from me, I hate it

Sometimes my cat looks so angrily at me.

Pretty sure she thinks I’m just a large piece of soft furniture. And she gets very pissed when this couch can’t sit still and disturbs her with all this annoying walking around, and changing positions, and doing everything to bug the shit out of her. HOLD STILL YOU BIG RESTLESS ARMCHAIR, I’M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP BEFORE BED

“Excuse me, could you tell me when was this inflatable doll manufactured?”

“Let me check… February of last year.”

“I see, an Aquarius, then. HELL NO…”

President of Moldova Maya Sandu: “Russia plans violent diversions in our country to try to unseat our government and replace it with a puppet regime which will aid them in their invasion of Ukraine. We know of their attempts of sneaking in militants from Russia, Belarus, Serbia and Montenegro to that end.”

#RussiaIsAFascistState
#ukraine
#Moldova

“It wasn’t the apple. The snake started talking after I ate a mushroom!”

— A Mistake Of Biblical Proportions

Tolkien dropped a major hint on our heads in the very beginning of LOTR when he had Gandalf conjure up a fireworks dragon at the bday party of a survivor of a dragon attack, and we all missed it. Gandalf hated Bilbo’s greedy ass.

You can say someone is 100 or even 50 years technologically behind or ahead, but not “a day”, “a week” or even “a month” behind or ahead. Funny how that line blurs

A sad child during Take Your Kid To Work Day disappointed upon having found no clowns that father repeatedly swore he worked with

Pan grilled salmon and herb roasted potatoes

You can’t make this up.

Russians stole a bunch of fur coats from Kherson, Ukraine, and with much fuss and fanfare gifted them to the wives of KIA, with news reports on central TV and in every newspaper, etc

What happened next is those wives began complaining on social media that the fur coats were taken from them “because of a technical mistake” and now no one is answering the phones

That whole country is such a Potemkin shitshow 🤦‍♂️

If you sat down to eat, I apologise

Accuracy is scary

@Rickbflony
A character from a book by Kurt Vonnegut who had the ability to jump forwards ands backwards in time at will. I think his name was Kilgor Trout, if I remember correctly

@Rickbflony
Ok, Kilgor Trout 😀

Life can only be understood backwards but you have to live it forwards