Kinda doesn't feel like a good time to be a hot air balloon enthusiast.

Either you see a cat playing with a butterfly or you see a cat peeing.

Want to see how much special effects have evolved in superhero movies? Watch the 1997 Spawn movie which they just added to Netflix... talk about special effects in their early shitty days... wow.

You want to know how to get ignored at work? Message someone within 5 minutes of them logging into their computer.

Feels like temperature is the only temperature that matters. If you don't agree, then you're not taking my feelings into account.

100 envelope challenge. The same as just putting money away, but in a stupid social media challenge-like approach because that's the only thing that gets anyone doing anything these days.

#BombTheKremlin

Does everyone in the US strongly identify with a political party? I kinda think political parties are a major problem, but one that will never go away either. I'd rather be identified as individual with opinions on various topics than as a supporter of a party. I dunno, maybe i'm splitting hairs.

At work, I have to find the craziest most outside the box solutions to the wackiest stupidest problems. At home, I can't even figure out how to the time on the microwave.

So you mean to tell me that Aubrey Plaza is not a location ? Wow.

I don't believe in new year's resolutions so this isn't that. But I had a moment of epiphany today. Now forcing myself to not smoke a cigarette unless at least 2 hours have passed since the last one. I really hope I stick with this. This is step 1 and I think it goes without saying where I'm trying to go with this.

I am currently in the office and therefore unavailable. If you need to reach me, I will be out of the office and WFH for the rest of the week, you can reach me then.

#OutOfOfficeIWish

Work terms that make your boss go WTF :

Outlook Double Penetration :

- The act of attacking your inbox from both the most recently received and oldest emails at the same time, all while leaving emails in the middle that never get addressed.

Every bad storm is the same :

People on the outside : "What were these people thinking being out there in the storm?"

People on the inside : "We didn't think it was going to be that bad."

Copy/paste for the next big storm.

Final day of the early shift, and back to the regular shift next week. I feel like a kettle, on the stove, but there's no water left so i'm about to catch fire.

P.K. Subban back in Montreal for tribute and he’s wearing my late grandmother’s couch.

So as we hope Trump gets something/anything for stealing classified documents, we find out Biden did the same thing? FFS Joe...

Things can mean different things in different contexts. Example :

If you smile, nod your head, and give a thumb's up.

Towards a stand-up comic, this means I enjoyed your joke.

Towards another driver, it means you're a fucking loser who can't drive.

"Steve, 2 people called in sick but you never answered!"
iPhone focus strikes again...

I'm no political expert, so maybe what i'm about to say doesn't make sense, but here is where I feel this speaker thing should go :
1. McCarthy should reach out to the democrats.
2. Democrats should fleece him for huge concessions in exchange for taking all his far-right concessions to the "20" off the table
3. Accept democrat demands.
4. Have 20 dems vote for McCrthy.

Obviously, the democrats as a whole would have to approve this strategy but it seems like the best way out of this shitshow.