Today was an exercise in will. I did not feel like it, but once I got into my run everything smoothed out.

What we feel is not immutable. Feelings are something we experience but they don’t define us. The choices that we make about those feelings will.

While I do practice mindfulness lately I’ve been asking myself, what will I think about the choices I’m making now, tomorrow ? It’s been a powerful tool!

@Vozy Good morning dear brother! How are you ?

My life was not always so disciplined, but I've learned as I've aged that having these moments act like the rhythm beats in a song. They are touchstones that help me orient and follow the melody of each day, helping me deal with whatever I will face.

Good morning groovy souls!

I'm wrapping up my morning wake up routine and will head to the gym for morning workout after meditation.

My morning routine takes about three hours. Starting with a half-hour workout, that is the first thing I do after getting out of bed, washing my face and brushing teeth, breakfast, dishes, and finally, meditation and devotional before heading to the gym for the days workout.

I call these my "foundations" on this routine I build my days.

Good afternoon groovy souls!

I had a rough week for my disciplines and routines, but that's all the more reason to drill down and push harder. There is no stopping; there is only forward or back.

Onward toward the dawn!

Good morning groovy souls!

I slept a whole 4 and a half hours and we’re on the way home. Husband got 7 for the first time in days and he’s out of hypertensive crisis.

Following up and trying to have a nice anniversary. Tomorrow I get back on the bounce with my routine. He’s got medical follow ups next week.

@imafoal To paraphrase the very wise @corlin Witnessed and felt. ^_^

I'm on the ramble, but as I reflect on all of this, and look back on what I've posted the last few minutes, in many ways a journal in its own right, I realize how much of a trusted community this place is.

I share here, because this is my safe place, and you are my safe community. Thank you for hearing me, thank you for your patience with my rambles, and the repeating lessons I'm trying to learn.

Onward, toward the dawn!

So yeah. I'm concerned. I'm afraid right now that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find him non responsive, but I can do nothing about that if it is what is fated to be.

THese kinds of conditions are always very near things until brought under control. He's not critical, but could be there in an instant.

But the same thing could be said for all of us. One of the reasons loss hits us so hard, is not just the loss but the reminder of how fragile, and tenuous of a guarantee another moment is.

I'm getting away from recrimination and its being replaced by analysis and curiosity. Instead of trying to choke out the weeds of bad habit energy, I instead look at them with interest.

Hello friend, you have a lesson for me that in my anger and damage I have failed to learn. Let me sit and watch you, and figure how you work, so I might heal, instead of repeat cycles endlessly.

The irony is that this sometimes means I repeat old cycles. Every stumble is a teacher, every setback an opportunity

I'm resolved to be a better stronger me tomorrow. Looking intently at my stress eating response, and the frustration of trying to communicate to my husband how close he was to possible death without him thinking I'm trying to ply him with guilt, or my own anxiety.

I'm his wife and I don't want to be a nag. A partner is a partner, a help, we carry the load together.

TOday is our 10 year anniversary.

In the course of 45 minutes they had six ambulances come in with criticals.

There's not enough ER to go around. People were sleeping in hallways with blankets coming over them.

It shows a bit of bitterness I should work on, but I told Dad, we have the best country money can buy.

The professionals manning the walls care, but our system is so unfeeling it wounds the heart.

He's still in hypertensive crisis. But HC Is a weird condition, his system is redlined. It could go bad at literally any moment, but likely won't, but it could.

One thing that is for certain, waiting endlessly in a packed ER, with the promise of another six to eight hour wait to be seen for antibiotics, and ana admonition to follow up with his PCP was not going to help his Blood Pressure.

The nurse let us go home, advised we stay but said it wouldn't AMA us on the insurance.

We're back at the hotel and I've been awake since 0045 yesterday PST when it was 0345 for me EST.

I've crossed the continent, and caught a half hour cat nap in the ER, after slamming down a cup of coffee to keep the tired away longe enough to move the truck safely.

Now I'm awake.

Waggs is out cold. We have the room until noon, and I really should rest, but my brain is very busy. I took a hot shower, and will let my hair dry. Going to do something mindless like a video game, then journal.

So we’ve been waiting for hours and are well past exhausted. Lab results came in and it looks like he’s fighting a bug. Taking that he has a toothache and thinks he’s getting an abscess it’s all starting to line up. We’ve asked to be released to follow up with his pcp. There’s little point in staying now.

@LlamaMountainStudioArts Thank you dear friend. I am nervous and chocolate is helping.

@LlamaMountainStudioArts 200/117 is not a good number

I've been up about 20 hours at this point, but after they drop him at the ER I'm getting picked up to retrieve my truck so it doesn't get towed. It's in a Walmart parking lot about 20 miles away right now.

I fully admit to have done some stress eating. I got a bunch of treat food for our anniversary and I've been grazing.

Tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of my wedding to my husband.

My flight got in on time, he got underway, and then he started to feel poorly, hitting a massive traffic jam.

He told me to take a lyft to the hotel while he checked his blood pressure. He's in hypertensive crisis and has been, or near it, with no way for me to get to him.

Housemates just picked him up to take him to the ER, and I am deeply concerned.