📜 So - middle of the night reflection, because I can't seem to post the Patreon piece I need to without saying something deeper here, o CoSo, where the "human" in me is at its safest:
I'm in an odd spot. I'm able to care for many, but I'm in no position to help myself. I'm an immigrant in constant precarity, and also not at all the most vulnerable of immigrants in the world (or of people living in the land of their own birth, for that matter). /x
I grew up atheist, and therefore full of wonder at our indifferent cosmos. No god, no purpose save what we make for ourselves. But we keep making TERRIBLE choices.
And it can be unbearable.
A child often has a better sense of right and wrong at times than we adults, many of whom have crafted lifetimes' worth of elaborate and academic/political vocabularies to justify the unequal and unjust positions into which we were so unthinkingly born. /x
The world we live in is unjust to its core, and it's more deeply wounded than we can hope to amend in our brief lifetimes.
I left my social contract of birth to feel the pulse of different argumentation, when the West seemed so caught up in *such* a reductive cycle of concern. I wanted to learn from something truly different, if I could.
But now, having felt that schism, I feel helpless to do much more with all the ensuing intellectual growth.
And this eats at me... so much, so frequently. /x
Much of what I do is... so frivolous. The sci-fi. The fiction. The media analysis writ large.
While pursuing these creative ends, I have also seen and stood by people in the middle of far more immediate hardships. I have *endured* hardship at the hands of complicated figures - including assault by those who were experiencing war-induced PTSD at the time.
I have... such experiences of real-world deprivation, and violence. And so little that I can do with all that I've lived through. /x
There's a common trope in SFF right now. A rhetoric that many use, of--oh no, this venue is closing! and so few will accept stories from X demographic in the first place!--that completely overlooks how hard it is for *anyone* to make a living on stories in the best of times, & how many other groups tell stories just as challenging.
Every time this emerges, what I see is people fighting over scraps in an economy of artificial scarcity around livelihoods shaped around affluent forms of labour. /x
It hurts to have this much knowledge, know-how, and experience, and to be able to do so little with it.
My industries are failing.
My industries cannot pay me enough to do anything of note with my body of expertise.
I need... so much courage, and so much *audacity*, to think it worth continuing anyway. To keep trying to share the hard-won fruits of my experience, in the hope that my messy, fraught story might help move others to do what they can in their own corners of this broken world. /x
And that courage and audacity is hard to come by.
Some days I find myself reeling in the faith that others have had in me, when I am *such* a mess, and so flawed.
I want to move the needle.
I want more kindness for us all.
I want all of us to see what we're capable of, especially when we work together to mend the wounds caused by truly just a few out of our many fierce billions of fellow striving kin.
It hurts *so* much every time I encounter what we choose to focus on instead. /x
But in the end, I'm just one very flawed human being whistling in the dark.
Aching over how hard this is.
But also rousing when, on brief wondrous occasions, someone else in the murk finds their own courage long enough to whistle back.
So thank *you* for doing so.
Thank you for keeping this thread alive. 💙
(And good night to all of you. The world is hard enough without us being hard to ourselves in it. May you always have grace for how you've chosen to move through this wretched storm.) /📜
@MLClark
I read every word.
I can do not much but witness.
And.
Help in some small way.
And
Keep the light on.
In my life I have seen some of the worst people can do.
And
Some of the best.
But it ain’t scale.
You can’t weigh one against another.
It is a dance, between the rain drops.
“The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.”
You have indeed seen much more than I.
And struggled with the tension between Self and World for longer than I have, too.
I have deep respect for the wisdom that difference in experience has yielded.
And tremendous gratitude for how you share it - here, with me, and in so many other spheres.
In fact, part of what makes going forward easier is the knowledge that I have so much left to learn from fellow travellers like you.
(And you in specific, too.)
Thank you, Corlin, for it all.
@MLClark hello.
somedays the world around is overwhelming.
somedays getting to the realization that .... we are flawed beings, limited in so many ways against impossible odds can be very scary.
I don't know if things will get better. But I'll try.
you can do only so much, and that's fine.
perhaps walking or running that mile takes 10 minutes more, but you still try.
if you're tired today, that's fine, try again tomorrow.
Take it easy, but take it.
much love, you're not alone.
Life is tough for everyone, we shouldn't look at our shortcomings while comparing to other's experience... we do what we can, and that's fine.
I don't want to come across as not caring, or playing down someone's pain.
But that's what works for me, keep trying.
I just hope my ramblings and escapism idiocy give you guys a chuckle every now and then.
For what is worth, you two amazing ladies are in my friends feed and I cherish that column like you wouldn't believe.
I have found that the feeling that we are hopelessly outmatched by the forces at play is best countered, at least in my brain, by a single sentence uttered by a character of a fantasy book who was known for his no-nonsense, practical approach to everything:
“Big things are made of little things.”
This, combined with the idea of butterfly effect, gives rise to the image of one domino falling and knocking over two, which knocks over three, which knocks over four… and so on.
(Got distracted by another convo, whoops.)
My point here is that while you may not seem like such a grand force for positive change, you are still a force.
Even if you were to assume humans are too disparate and unorganized to really make shit happen, consider that there are still documented observations of Brownian Motion resulting in spontaneous kinetic motion.
And humans are still animals, subject to natural selection - over time, random movements that are good are preserved.
@MLClark
Because good things make it easier to have kids.
I don’t think humans are fully random, tho. I think concerted efforts overshadow the random, but they are still subject to selective forces, and in the end, the biggest force out there is “does this make me more likely to have kids?”
And I think that goal leads us, slowly, but inexorably, toward egoistic altruism.
So yeah. The little frivolous motions you make are building something bigger.
Perhaps greater than the sum of its parts.
@MLClark
There's a quote I think of in times like this:
"If you're going thru hell, keep going!"
This rough patch (as scary as it is) will fade and new light will fall in its place.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other...
And we here at CoSo will be here to walk with you every day...
@MLClark
A hemisphere away so instead of a supporting, loving embrace, I can only say you are not alone.
As I read your work, it is clear you are sewing seeds of beauty and you might not see these seeds take root and flourish. In responses to your deep sharing here, people quote those who have shared wisdom born of struggle and pain. You do this for countless people in your work, helping us find courage and hope.
You might not hear us whistle back, but we’re here and grateful for you.❤️
Meanwhile people are dying of floods and heat stroke.
Meanwhile war and climate change are exacerbating resource wars, environmental refugees, and internal displacement at levels we're nowhere close to ready for. All our escalating nationalisms? Part of the same eco-ethnic pressure-points.
I feel like I need scream at the top of my lungs most days: PAY ATTENTION.
But I'm also nothing, nowhere close to as well platformed as necessary to move the needle even a fraction with all I've learned. /x