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The nights call to me. They whisper it in the chill breeze. They sing it in the bullfrog's song. They chatter on with the crickets chirp.
And I listen while I wander the dark path through the woods. The branches bare in the late season, stretching against the Moon's face. The leaves crisp underfoot.
You won't find me out here. You don't want to. But I can find you. I can smell your thoughts. Feel your soul. Taste your dreams.
Taste them, and make them mine.

Her fears and hopes and dreams and worries leaked from her head and infected those around her. They dropped into your chest and grew there. Wrapping tendrils around your heart, and roots in your soul.
The ones that got the Hopes dropped minor wishes where they walked. The ones that got the Fears scattered petty curses to the wind.
It is sad that the wishes were beautiful and lovely and strong, but were often choked by the weedy curses, gnarled and stunted.

The Harvest is done & the stores full. The field is left to the mice to find the last bits for their own winter stores. The root cellar is full & the basement shelves stocked with jars of pickles and preserves.
The children love to run through the barren lands, scarves trailing in the brittle air. And I love to watch them from the porch. Ready to heat the cider when they turn back to the house while cornbread bakes and the beef stew slowly simmers.

I felt the winds change, I felt the seas rise, & I felt my heart fall. The leaves are dropping to carpet the ground in flame and Golden hues. The Skye thickened, oppressing me as the trees stored their sap & animals burrowed winter dens.
This is the season of Melancholy, the time of rest, & the time to take a breath to let it slowly out & sink in the crisp night Aires.
This is the season of dreams of summer & spring. Of worms dancing in the soil & frogs singing in creeks & ponds.

I knew when I left the bar, I wouldn't find it again. I'd travel the same path, but it wouldn't be here. I'd remember the stained bar top, the crack in the stool to my right, the dusty bottle of Listlessness that's never been opened, & the exact number of Not Yets in the pickle jar. But I'd never find the door again.
I left with more than the memories though. Death gave me a card in thanks for the drink. Jet black on both sides, except where he wrote 1 Free Not Today.

Before I left I asked if I could send a drink to Death, my own mix. The place was quiet, the bartender grabbed a glass & nodded.
Mix a shot of Despair & 1 of Deep Thoughts, I said. A dash of Silent Company and 2 of Tender Care.
Swirl with Candied Maybes. At the end, float a little Stolen Breath on top, poured from an empty bottle. Garnish with a slice of Orange Smiles, rubbed around the rim.
I've never mixed this before, the bartender said. What's it called?
Lost Words.

I learned then what goes into a Yesterday. It mixes a Today, a pinch of Regret, & heavy on Whatweres in a shaker with Frozen Time. Its okay to drink it every now & then, but if it's all you drink, it leaves you shivering & everything else you taste is bitter.
I asked if the Time eventually waters Yesterday down.
The bartender just shrugged. For some it does, he said. But for many, it makes the Yesterday stronger, enhances the Regret & almost turns it into a Never Forget.

Relax, the bartender said. Death just likes messing with people. You only have to worry if he sends you a Today.
What's in that, I asked.
It's never the same twice. It always has WhatIfs & Whatweres muddled together with a dash of Bitter Sadness. After that, some people like it shaken with Satisfaction or poured over Quiet Joy.
That sounds nice, I said
Not all Today's are good, he said. Sometimes that mix gets dropped in a pint of Dark Thoughts Stout for a Depression Bomb.

Another patron sent me over a drink. He sat in the shadow at the end of the bar & I could only get an impression of what he looked like. Angular features, hard cut, & black pools for eyes. His bony fingers drummed on the bar.
It was a mixed drink called Tomorrow. 1 part Hope, 1 part Yearning, a dash of Dreams, & the rim dusted in WhatIfs.
I asked the bartender what the man was drinking. 'Oh, @DEATH always drinks Lonely Daquaris.'
I shakily took another sip of my Tomorrow.

I barely finished the Contentment when the bartender set a blonde pint in front of me. I dipped it slowly & surveyed the other customers hunched over half empty glasses or idly running their fingers throw spilled puddles on their table. It was a salty brew, watered down, & left a phenolic after taste. The more I drank, the darker the place became & the other patrons grungier. I looked at the tap he poured it from, Pessimism Ale Light.

I found a bar today off a back alley of a side street of a cow oath road. Made a wrong turn & stumbled in. It's not the typical watering hole. The drinks here are made from liquors that shouldn't exist.
I drank Loss today. Just a shot. The bartender wouldn't let me have any more. Bitter & acrid, I kept thinking of my childhood, knowing it was no more. To ease the Loss, he poured me a glass of Contentment. Just ever so slightly sweet & warm like sunshine.

The smoke curled up from the cabin. A thin wispy trail melting into the sky. It made the mossy shingles & leafed littered path look welcoming.
But it wasn't. I knew what was waiting for me inside. Waiting for anyone who mistakenly wanders inside.
It's sitting in there, propped up in the corner, a light coating of dust across the frame.
The True Mirror. It shows you whole you really are. Shows you the monster inside. Knowledge you can't erase, can't undo, can't lose.

It was a big house. An old one, with faded paint & sagging steps. But that didn't make it scary. Big old houses can be quite cheery. What made it scary were the windows. Like eyes, they followed you as you walked past. They stared you down as you stood on the sidewalk. You couldn't sneak up on the place either. Windows on all sides.
The back yard was the worst. Those windows had malice flashing in them. Just daring you to get a little closer & come up on the porch.

People talk about parallel dimensions. But what if they're not parallel, what if each one is slightly askew. There would be places where they intersect, where the boundaries merge.
I found one of those places. A passage to the next plane.
The days there are clearer, brighter. But not the nights. The nights descend like a thick curtain & muffle everything out. Almost suffocating you. When the sun sets, you have to run for the passage. Last time, I barely crawled through.

I want to rip apart the piece of me that loved you so much & bury it in the Dark Woods. Let the magic there feed it so it grows until it's limbs are heavy with a bitter fruit.
That's what I'll turn into wine. Sweetened with my tears from losing you. Aged with the memories of the touch of your lips & smell of your hair.
I'll drink it on nights the emptiness overwhelms me, on the nights loss consumes me, & on the nights the tears won't stop.
Every night.

I've left the days spinning away behind me to pile up into years & decades; dried out, crumpled, & fragile. Looking back, I'll see glimpses of color & light from the happy days, shadows & holes from the dark ones. A mixed mosaic of memories.
As i walk the world, the pile grows, sometimes hiding old memories under new. But i know one day will come when I'll run back & jump into the pile. Sending the days a flutter, kicking up dust from the oldest, to float down around me & bury me.

I've drifted down the rough roads & worn shoes out searching for the lost things. My pack jingles with dropped keys, my bedroll is stuffed with missing socks.
But the locket i wear holds the best treasures. The lost souls I've found along the way.
Wandering beings adrift in their own right. Silent points of light, untied, untethered.
I've gathered them together & keep them there. Bind them close to my heart.
A home a glow with their potential, their warmth, their light.

In the darkness I found a hand and held it. Another soul, searching, searching, searching. We've held together now for years speaking a language of only caresses & squeezes, taps & rubs. The darkness drowns the light & sound, like we've plunged to the deepest depths.
But still we hold on as we search for more, for others, pulling each other along.
Fearing the day we will have to let go. I hope it never happens & we become one.
Fused together forever.

I forgot my name today. Poof, gone. I don't think it's just me either. Everyone has forgotten. Like I never had a name to begin with.
It'll happen to all the other gods eventually. The worship dries up, like a failing well.
Keep dipping the bucket, down, down, down. Then one day you pull up sand. Bone dry.
Then you remember what it was like to have that worship. The thirst makes you forget. You lose yourself. Again. Again. You lose yourself to dry wells.
I forgot my name today.

I always get tongue-tied during a new moon. My thoughts & mouth out of sync. Or out of phase, like two different people are at the controls, but from different times. 1 from 2 seconds past, the other 2 seconds to come.
The world blurs & melts too. Flavors & colors blended to mud.
All I feel is the quiet thrumming running through the world. Vibrating everyone. Resonant to an unseen force.
I'm just tuned to it until the new moon sets & the next day starts.

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Kurt Cookie Liberator 🐲

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