Good news: we found a place to house mom. She loves it & dad is totally on board. Just spent the afternoon w/mom talking about family history & memories, as much as we could, while dad got some time to complete the paperwork.
@Impious_Jade how did you start that conversation? We’re to the point that our dad needs assisted living care because mom can’t/shouldn’t have to take care of him at risk of herself being injured. He’s crazy stubborn and suuuper prideful but his cognitive function is declining and he’s not taking care of his diabetes at all. This is so hard 😞
@annamuneca It was pretty difficult. Dad was reluctant to even bring it up, because when mom recently had surgery & there was the possibility she'd go into rehab for a few weeks, she flipped tf out - thought dad was trying to "get rid of [her]". So he didn't want to approach it if she'd react that way.
@annamuneca Sis & I work together well - I do the soft setup, & she does the hard convos. I'm the windup & she's the pitch, if you will. It really helps that she & I are both on the same page when it comes to mom & dad's care. I started the convo some months ago, working on dad, encouraging bringing in extra help & reminding him he needed it.
@annamuneca I listened to mom too, & heard in her words how unhappy she is living out there w/our dad, on their own. She wasn't happy there at all. So I started asking her: "How would you like your own apartment?" & then once mom was convinced (easily!), dad was on board.
@annamuneca A lot of it is down to really listening, not just to what mom & dad are saying on the surface, but what's *behind* it. Like mom has Parkinson's, & when she says dad won't do anything for her, what is she *really* saying? That sort of thing. It is definitely hard.
I know it helped us to acknowledge all the work dad has done, & to tell them both that "you've done all you can" & it's time for change.