Someone I'm close to recently spoke positively about shame. Like, there are good reasons and uses for shame.
I'm going to be clear: the only way you can talk positively about shame is if you're comfortable with control and manipulation.
Any system that depends on shame is fragile. Its people are fragile. Their relationships and affiliations are fragile. Shame is unpredictable except that it is destructive.
*Most* people I share my life with know this, and are working to remove shame's power.
@sumpnlikefaith My take. If someone has murdered another person, for example, the murderer would do well to have some shame over it and reform. But once one has reformed, it is not helpful to remain in shame.
@nursefrombirth Remorse is a better word for what is needed. But even more than remorse, change is needed. Remorse is shame over what one has done. I think even shame over the point one has reached in life can be turned to constructive purpose. Shame over who one is as a human is too far.
It's more a matter how one thinks about the words used. I don't think "shame' always has the overtone of "you are worthless." @sumpnlikefaith @LlamaMountainStudioArts
@poemblaze I'd say that shame is likely, for most people, in most situations where they've breached their own moral code (especially in such an extreme way), whether extrinsically imposed or not.
But I want to complicate this a bit by introducing a point that Amanda Ripley raises in her book High Conflict: shame (humiliation) is a common *motive* for murder.
Where does this fit into our collective relationship with shame? Does it change anything?
@sumpnlikefaith The point about humiliation being connected to murder is a good one.
If in fact shame and remorse were the same then this could be true. I view them differently. It's natural to feel remorse, regret, or guilt about a particular action or behavior. Shame IMHO goes a lot deeper and represents negative self criticism and feeling like one is not worthy. Shame has no place in our lives because we are all worthy. 🥰
@poemblaze @sumpnlikefaith @LlamaMountainStudioArts