I'm noticing folks leaving this place or 'taking a break'. Like it's noticeable. I'm not really sure what has been going on here the last few days, it's fragmented and confusing. I don't actually know what I need to do to fix this problem.
You are allowed to have disagreements here and there are tools for you to curate your experience here. What is going wrong this last couple of days?
Help me help us solve the problem. Whatever it is.
@th3j35t3r
You probably have an emergent situation underway or still ongoing.
That means a few factors are in confluence.
I think one is the time of year. Many are on vacation or swamped with getting kids back to school or college.
Nevertheless, maybe its time to design a "sentiment" dial on a profile? Those that are more rambunctious are filtered out by those that set their threshold high. Then allow users to see who/what was filtered out so they know the consequences.
Sounds a bit algorithm-y. Personally, I want to filter out individuals - not entire swaths.
@Agatha @th3j35t3r
Yes, definitely an algorithm.
But J needs solutions that scale using tech and not just more time from J.
It would report what was filtered if you want to see that.
If you don't like how it's working, then just don't use it.
Maybe there is an even better idea besides hiring an army of analysts?
And that'll be up to him. But one of the main draws of CoSo - literally a staple - is no algorithms. There are many reasons why companies use them, or unpaid moderators like on Reddit (which is a whole other issue with pros and cons), but if that door is opened many of us who find this place a welcome refuge from typical SM will flee. And, no, that's not any kind of threat. I'm not telling him what to do. It'd simply be a consequence. But, it's his baby at the end of the day.
@Agatha @jurban @th3j35t3r
I will chime in only to say I would be very much against a sentiment or any kind of meter applied to a profile. Bouzy try that whole thing and it was wildly inconsistent.
I also firmly believe that we need to learn to talk to each other as humans, to be open-minded, and look past labels. Applying such a thing on profiles would go directly counter to that line of thinking.
Also as @jurban referenced generalizations:
While I didn't see the most recent part of this, I saw the beginnings of it and one group in this conversation clearly felt they were being unfairly gathered under some negative generalizations. So we definitely don't want anything that would further that, be it real or perceived.
If they are not part of the problem, then they don't need to basically go "not all white people", yes? Getting defensive when someone expresses there is a problem is literally part of the problem. Reminds me of when I suggested to my hus that he should refer to co-workers as "women" & not "girls" - esp when they're 20 yrs older than him. (He doesn't refer to the others as "boys".) He got *hostile* w/me thinking I was calling him sexist. But he calmed & grew.
But I also took issue with another actor who was overly hostile, and seemed to just want to stir up 💩. The result was they were basically yelling over, past, and around the original posters. So muting them both helped *me* - but my muting them didn't help the original posters.
@Agatha @voltronic @th3j35t3r
Sounds like we're trying to engineer good manners when communicating with our fellow humans.
That's a tough journey.
But, I do have ideas! 🙂
I do like the idea of being in control of tools that help you make sense out of what is happening. If an "algorithm" provides an indicator that this guy/gal is being a jerk and it confirms my opinion, I might feel less of a need to put him/her into their place with further arguments.
I absolutely do not trust algorithms - and one on CoSo would be no exception. But I don't need one to confirm my bias or opinion or decision.
NOT having it has made me challenge my motives & reactions - I examine them - and that has been overwhelmingly positive.
But I'm also not trying to put anyone in their place. I left the other places for good reason. My opinion is that particular urge is a big reason why SM becomes crap. 🤷🏻♀️
@Agatha @jurban @voltronic @th3j35t3r maybe a private downvote or upvote to help remember your own feelings about someone 6 mos down the line?
@hallmarc
Those things already exist. Following, muting, and blocking.
@voltronic @Agatha @jurban @th3j35t3r perhaps they're not fine grained enough. Maybe I straddle the fence on someone. They're interesting enough that I want to hear from them from time to time but "edgy" or "mean" enough that I want to mute them frequently. Just thinking out loud.
@hallmarc @voltronic @jurban @th3j35t3r
That's when I use the soft mute. I don't see their posts unless I go to their timeline, but if they @ me, I see them. If they piss me off from there, it goes to hard mute or block.
@Agatha @voltronic @jurban @th3j35t3r I didn't know there are two different mutes.
There's a couple who comment on my posts. I'm not naming names, but I'll soft mute people who keep posting puzzle scores & sports stuff without any hashtags I can use to filter them out (if they use one at all, it's hyper specific and I'm tired of adding them to my filters).
Oh jeez I HOPE I've been muted and blocked by several. 😂 😭
@Agatha @Krysdammit it's interesting. I have zero filters and I spend a lot of time just scrolling through the firehouse. Occasionally something strikes my fancy and I either click on the person's profile and go down a few posts to see if I'd like to follow or I comment. That's it!
@hallmarc @Agatha
I love the firehose, and that's how I've found most accounts to follow.
What's filtered are those pesky word game scores.
When it's a news event I don't care about and will never join a convo over (recent coronation in 🇬🇧 ) I filter for 1 week, then it goes poof.😂
Same goes for the Olympics.🤷♀️
@Krysdammit @Agatha I guess Twitter refined my mental filtering skills. Unless I'm looking, I think I subconsciously just skip flashy stuff like word games and other content.
That's fine if you don't need it. Everyone is different. I have ADHD (unmedicated, unfortunately), and I'm probably on the neurospicy spectrum. I have to minimize distractions as well as things that trigger over-stimulation (usually annoying crap) in order to maintain an even keel. Otherwise being online becomes just too much (I do the same thing IRL).
@Agatha @Krysdammit I understand.
@Agatha @hallmarc
I'm dealing with misophonia, there is no med for that. It's not only auditory things that make me fume, it's also interuptions. Those word score games are like jabs in my eyes with a stick.
They're painful and infuriate me. No fun at all.
I'm probably on the spectrum as well. Having to go through testing of two of my kids and knowing what they're looking for, I could answer questions to fall into the spectrum...or not.🤷♀️
I know ppl irl who have ADD & ADHD. ❤️
I also have misophonia. Whether it's something I'd have had regardless or if it was triggered by CPTSD, I dunno. (I've been properly dx'd only w/ CPTSD & ADHD.) Mouth sounds are esp bad, but also any repetitious sounds (ie ball bouncing, my dogs' nails clicking on the floor when they pace, loud thumping from stereos, etc) are simply intolerable. Like zero to rage instantly. Never found a good treatment or therapy for it. There's no "just ignore it". So incredibly frustrating 😤.
@Agatha
The "can't you just ignore it?" from other people.
Studies have shown that we experience a physical reaction to whatever it is that we react to.
It isn't an annoyance, it's pain,👊 physical and mental. Emotionally it's off the chart. Sometimes fight or flight.
I've had heart palpitations, sweating, spots before my eyes, nausea, wanted to take a dive off of my balcony to get away from it.
It's worst with fam, since I told them about it they are walking on eggshells. Equally annoying.🤦♀️
The kid 2 doors down is doing his usual endless screaming. It's "fun" screaming - not distress. Every summer he's in the pool for hours every day, and he does this horrifically high pitched scream that's an ice pick directly into my brain. I keep hoping he'll grow out of it, but it's been 5 YEARS. I call him The Velociraptor. I'm on edge. And "just wear headphones" is shitty advice if I also need to be outside, bc it's 100°. Besides, his screams cut thru the sound canceling anyway.
@Agatha
I'm so sorry! Had that on one side of me for 8 yrs, a barking dog on the other side for about 3.
They'd go away for the day, leaving the mutt inside by himself.
He barked non stop, the sound would come down the fireplace chimney into my rec room and was magnified, reverberated through out my house.
Think booming bass from a passing car.
I have one of those neighbors. Barks all. night. long. I don't blame the dog, but sweet baby jesus...
@Agatha
I felt sorry for the dog, but still, it was hellish in my home.
You running to the balcony - I fled Home Depot once because their door alarm was going off continuous, and I hit my breaking point. I set everything down and walked tf out.
@Agatha
I've fled many social situations in my lifetime. Rarely go out now.
My bro instigated the running out onto the balcony for a few minutes. Went out and closed the sliding door and calmed down enough to go inside and to tell him to either stop the irritating thing he was doing, or go home.
At this point I didn't care which one went over the railing.😂
The kooky thing is that we can see things rationally as our bodies betray us.
I left my husband at a party because of the music. I was there maybe 15 minutes. 😂 He knew I was leaving (he knows me), but I didn't tell anyone else (his friends anyway). I'd mastered ghosting & the Irish exit by age 15. 😂
Sister's then boyfriend came with her to dinner at my house. He started whistling. I said, "Absolutely not in my house." I was nice. I laughed about it. But I made it clear I was serious.
@Agatha
Woh boy, the whistlers in stores & the ones who sing along to the muzak. I've left full shopping carts behind as I fled.
I get you. Years ago I escaped IKEA, left my husband to check out, and practically ran to the car. I needed to flee. The awful music. The people crowding and *touching*. Then came the friggin whistlers. By then it was my last straw. Haven't been back since (many years).
@Agatha @Krysdammit Back pre-COVID, when I was living in China, visiting Ikea was... something. It was basically a family day out, and on particularly busy days they had an employee with a megaphone wandering around saying "DO NOT SLEEP ON THE FURNITURE". It was always an adventure.
@Agatha
I live across the street from a grocery store & shop just before 10 pm, when it closes. No kids, no babies, no old ppl.
You're welcome! J posted it sometime back, so I had a vague memory of it.
@Agatha interesting. I guess I never saw that because I've never muted anyone!
@hallmarc
When you mute, you can uncheck this and you'll still get notifications if they @ you. Super handy.