I'm so sorry your ex is making you responsible for the emotions she needs to process. She's an adult. You being yourself isn't something it's OK to blame you for.
The kids are another matter--but since your ex is not really processing your transition, don't take her word on how the kids feel. Maybe they just like the pink lipstick!
@tyghebright I'm hoping with time things get easier. Way back when I first introduced the kids to the real me, my oldest liked the pink because it wasn't as scary as the dark red. It's so tough to know how my kids actually feel