It's been a while since I've spent time with other people ... I avoid people because I don't relate to people well and talking to people is exhausting. But I spent a few hours with someone today who is really ... manic ... their energy is all over the place, they are in a constant state of stress, they can't keep track of anything from one second to the next and this is just normal for them and something they don't think is a problem. It was so awful and exhausting to be exposed to for hours.
I will end up, for the next 3 days, completely in a state of recovery ... and it's just not worth it. Just not worth it at all.
I just can't be around people anymore ... It's way to draining and not just from a social sense but mentally and spiritually. I feel like my energy has been taken as well as, honestly, corrupted ... I feel like I need to shower. I feel a weird kind of violation ... infected. It's gross and it has made a huge dent in my peace.
All the creative stuff I was starting Monday now there is no way for me to work on it until I am fully recovered.
No more people for a long while.
People have to live in a way that's best for themselves ... but in some ways it's like if I was an addict, recovered, and now have to spend time with people who will never give up their addiction to chaos and negativity. I long gave it up to save my own life and so I could be better for myself and those around me ... I wanted to live better, feel better, have peace of mind and spirit. It's impossible to be around people who just ... seethe all the damn time ... about anything and everything.
I don't think this is weakness. That's like saying kids are soft and weak these days because they didn't get beaten as children or some psychotic nonsense. Its not weak to want peace. It's not weak to value your mental, physical, and spiritual health. It's not soft or weird or strange to want to protect yourself from nasty, negative, unhealthy, and chaotic energy. People need to value themselves more and consider the long term effects of stress on their health ...
That's wisdom, not weakness.
Just a few hours in that energy I feel like time has been taken from my life energy. Like I've aged in just a few hours ...
It's not worth it.
I'm making sure to not allow my energy issue to effect my tribemates.
When I came back home they were in the middle of some hilarious conversation and they are just laughing their asses off, I could hear it through the door. It was so refreshing and wonderful to walk into laughter and brightness.
Instantly I had a smile on my face. ❤️ Still do.
@thewebrecluse I feel this. I'm the same way. I's really not.🖤
@mistressticia it's really sad to see someone like that because that's so not any way to live ... It's so unhealthy and it's like a slow death living a life like that ... in constant state of stress and mania and just such bad energy. But I also know you can't say anything to people like that ... you can't suggest anything to them or even say that something isn't right because that's just their reality and they think it's normal to be such a mess or that they is no other way to live.
@thewebrecluse I agree. I refuse to let anyone drain my energy anymore. Taking my power back! :D
@mistressticia My hard wiring is such that when someone needs help and it's something I have a skill in, I am always willing to help.
Regardless of those consequences.
In my mind I think if it's something I can do, and do anyway, and this person needs help in it ... then to refuse is simply selfish and way too self focused. I went to go help someone with something and ended up not being able to leave right when I needed to ... not wanting to be rude ... and was trapped there for HOURS.
@mistressticia I should have left at the first sign of trouble ... the person was in a "bad mood" because their life is hectic and crazy and they have no ability to control themselves or their circumstances so they just mistreat people because they feel justified by their chronic issues and hectic life. Right then I should have walked out ... I should have refused to help them but refusing to help someone with something I CAN do, even though they refuse to help THEMSELVES ... seems wrong.
@thewebrecluse I hear/feel everything you're saying and I'm here to support you. Sometimes we need to be selfish. Don't ever apologize for that. If you're not okay, you're not going to do anyone any good. I'm re-learning this for myself these days. I recently had a conversation with someone where I told them I couldn't save them(they were projecting unconscious and unrealistic expectations on me) they had to save themselves. They have a therapy appointment this week. Some get
it. Some don't.
@mistressticia I ALWAYS deeply appreciate your responses and sentiments.
I have never been in a situation or relationship with anyone other than my tribemates where the people have ever recognized they needed help and were willing to get it. It's why my tribemates have been together as a family for over 30 years. Sometimes it feels like we're the only people who care about ourselves and others enough to do the necessary work.
We maintain our peace and happiness however we need to. ❤️
@mistressticia I lost so many years to toxic, unhealthy people ... too many years of giving everything I had trying to be a good friend to people who were never good friends to me. Over extending myself and trying to always be the good, reliable friend who everyone can count on but was also never there for me ... I can't tell you how many years I lost to that nonsense with people ...
You can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves ... and most people don't think they even need help.
@thewebrecluse Exactly this. And samesies. :D
@thewebrecluse ^^^This 🖤
My entire week is gonna be disrupted because I need to spend 3 days in recovery. Regenerating my energy and re-stablizing myself.
I get how people have to live in certain ways because of things out of their control but this isn't that ... this is a person who just believes that this is actually normal living ... this exhausting existence that is ruining their health.
I began to value my mental, spiritual, and physical health only 20 or so years ago. Had I not ... I'd be dead now.