It's been a while since I've spent time with other people ... I avoid people because I don't relate to people well and talking to people is exhausting. But I spent a few hours with someone today who is really ... manic ... their energy is all over the place, they are in a constant state of stress, they can't keep track of anything from one second to the next and this is just normal for them and something they don't think is a problem. It was so awful and exhausting to be exposed to for hours.
I will end up, for the next 3 days, completely in a state of recovery ... and it's just not worth it. Just not worth it at all.
My entire week is gonna be disrupted because I need to spend 3 days in recovery. Regenerating my energy and re-stablizing myself.
I get how people have to live in certain ways because of things out of their control but this isn't that ... this is a person who just believes that this is actually normal living ... this exhausting existence that is ruining their health.
I began to value my mental, spiritual, and physical health only 20 or so years ago. Had I not ... I'd be dead now.
People have to live in a way that's best for themselves ... but in some ways it's like if I was an addict, recovered, and now have to spend time with people who will never give up their addiction to chaos and negativity. I long gave it up to save my own life and so I could be better for myself and those around me ... I wanted to live better, feel better, have peace of mind and spirit. It's impossible to be around people who just ... seethe all the damn time ... about anything and everything.
I don't think this is weakness. That's like saying kids are soft and weak these days because they didn't get beaten as children or some psychotic nonsense. Its not weak to want peace. It's not weak to value your mental, physical, and spiritual health. It's not soft or weird or strange to want to protect yourself from nasty, negative, unhealthy, and chaotic energy. People need to value themselves more and consider the long term effects of stress on their health ...
That's wisdom, not weakness.
Just a few hours in that energy I feel like time has been taken from my life energy. Like I've aged in just a few hours ...
It's not worth it.
I'm making sure to not allow my energy issue to effect my tribemates.
When I came back home they were in the middle of some hilarious conversation and they are just laughing their asses off, I could hear it through the door. It was so refreshing and wonderful to walk into laughter and brightness.
Instantly I had a smile on my face. ❤️ Still do.
I just can't be around people anymore ... It's way to draining and not just from a social sense but mentally and spiritually. I feel like my energy has been taken as well as, honestly, corrupted ... I feel like I need to shower. I feel a weird kind of violation ... infected. It's gross and it has made a huge dent in my peace.
All the creative stuff I was starting Monday now there is no way for me to work on it until I am fully recovered.
No more people for a long while.