I hate when doctors asks questions like "Are you sexually active?"
Depends on what you mean by “active."
There are plenty of "active" volcanoes that haven't gone off in over 50 years.

2: The other day I was so bored that I just sat down and read the dictionary. I learned next to nothing.

1: So, after dinner last night, my wife asked me if I could clear the table. I said probably hunny, but I'll need a running start.

4: Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight. That would cause mass confusion.

3: Tell my wifi lover.

2: NASA is launching a mission to say sorry to all the aliens.

They are calling it Apollo G.

1: Binary is my favourite number system.
I love it to bits!

4: Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns?
I'm trying to think of any words that have a duel meaning.

3: I just checked Wikipedia's page on "Eye Strain".
Now there's a site for sore eyes.

2: 1: Go to bed early.
2: Don't leave house.
3: Miss party.

My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

1: They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outlines.

4: I always keep a guitar in the car.
It's great for traffic jams.

3: Interviewer: Describe your life in a nutshell.

Me: It's dark, and cramped.

I got my wife to help me put some posts in the ground for our new fence, I gave her the new hammer and I said, "When I nod my head, you hit it." I don't remember much after that.

2: If I had a dollar for every time I was pessimistic, I'd have a massive tax bill.

1: No one could screw up a social network as badly as Elon Musk has done to Twitter.

Reddit: Hold my beer.

4: My grandfather used to say my generation relies too much on the latest technology.
So I unplugged his life support.

4: It's 35° in our house, but that's subsidence for you.

Q: Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

A: Ireland - every day it's Dublin.

#DadJokes #MakeItStop

2: I have a feeling I might be a Boston fan.
Actually, it's more than a feeling.

1: I was at the Karaoke bar and sang Danger Zone twice in a row. They wouldn't let me go a third time.

Too many Loggins attempts.

4: I'm sure I've already boiled the kettle.
Déjà brew.

3: My other half got excited when I said I was shopping for flights on the internet.
It's odd, they don't normally get that excited by darts.

2: Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: The viola burns longer.

1: I feel sorry for my neighbour who's learning to play the trumpet. His car has four flat tires again.

4: Not sure why anyone gets upset about genetically modified foods.
Had a lovely leg of salmon tonight.

3: I saw a programme about how pickles are prepared.
It was jarring.

#CoSoMusic Gloriously ridiculous yet greatly talented, "The 4 Hornsmen of the Apocalypse" by The Bands of HM Royal Marines:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sf4TMfMS08

No posts? Egg avatar? Nope, no follow back from me...

2: Clown divorces almost always end in a custardy battle.

1: A man crashed his car today but told the police that the woman he hit was on the phone and drinking wine.

The police said, "She can do whatever she wants in her own living room."

4: Highlighters are the future.

Mark my words.

3: I recently bought a toilet brush. Long story short: I’m going back to toilet paper.

2: My rechargeable batteries are revolting.

1: If I were stranded on an island by myself, the record I’d most like to have is…

Long Distance Swimming.