BREAKING NEWS!
A photographer was badly hurt this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him...

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him...

I visited a postcard factory yesterday.

It was good, but nothing to write home about...

Went to the doctors and he told me I needed a pacemaker.

So now I've got this annoying Kenyan athlete two yards in front of me everywhere I go!

In the bible, Samson was a tough man but his father Samsonite was a real hard case...

And now for something completely different: Glen Campbell with orchestra performing Mason Williams' Classical Gas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4Ga67EDrKI

People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now...

This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar."

I said, "Is that a fret?"

Just found out I've failed my German exam.

Sacre bleu!

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.

The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.

It was a vile inn.

Times New Roman, Arial, and Sans Serif walk into a bar.

Before they can order a drink the bartender yells.

"Get out, we don't serve your type here!"

What's the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels.

People overcome adversity all the time... Look at Beethoven.

They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?

It’s ironic that offices are now NSFW.

So awkward watching a sex scene with my parents last night. Still, they won’t forget to log out of a Zoom call again.

PRO TIP: If arrested, use your one call to ring your internet provider. You’ll be on hold so long that the police will eventually just release you so they can get their phone back.

I got arrested for continually playing an Englebert Humperdink song.

However, due to a lack of evidence, police released me, let me go...

My friend Stavros keeps bringing me short video clips of cats to watch on his phone...

I’m always a bit suspicious of Greeks bearing gifs..

I’m struggling to put together a decent cat related pun today.

I need someone to show meow...