Death doula Alua Arthur says life is better if you 'get real' about the end

https://www.npr.org/2024/04/17/1245264129/death-doula-alua-arthur-briefly-perfectly-human

I think one of the great failures of Western Society is the apparent taboo about talking or thinking of death. We pretend that the next pill or potion will help us live forever, fueling our consumer society.

I feel that death is a passage as birth is a passage, and that we should acknowledge and plan for it. Life and death are intimately intertwined and one cannot exist without the other.

@gemswinc when I worked in dialysis, as a social worker, I had discussions about end of life care with my patients. Some didn't want to discuss it at all, while others welcomed the opportunity to talk about what they wanted and didn't want and to implement their wishes in writing. The ones who refused to discuss it, I always followed up, because sometimes planting the seeds helped to open the door for further discussions.

@Spagesgallo1 Ah, you have been on the front lines, I'm glad you follow up w/ those who might discuss it. My husband, nevertheless, refused.

@gemswinc I'm sorry that your husband refused to talk about it. For some, it is just way too uncomfortable for them to discuss. Fear is also a big factor for people avoiding the topic. Even healthcare workers struggle with it. I have also worked with a doctor who was anti end of life care. People on dialysis, vents and in a vegetative state. He believed in keeping them alive at any cost! 🤦‍♀️

@Spagesgallo1 I think the loss of self/ego was too much to bear publicly. He had to work on it by himself. I felt left out, an opportunity to connect was lost.

@gemswinc yes, sadly, for some, that is the only way that they can process it. Yet, like you said, it ended up leaving you feeling left out and above all, the loss of that sense of a deeper connection to make that journey together. That hurt runs deep, after sharing your lives together.

@Spagesgallo1 Yes. He point blank said "I'll do this alone". Alzheimer's