.

Instead of X, Twitter’s new name should’ve been “Oops! All Porn Bots.”

Wherein Sock wises up.

It’s always a relief when you think someone hates you but it turns out they dislike you so strongly that it only *borders* on hatred.

The Somewhere in Time method of time travel, except it's me dozing off to ALF and hoping to wake up in a time period where I felt safe and loved.

I should be exempt from paying rent on the grounds that I don't actually belong anywhere.

New comic! Wherein Jenkins reveals his Super Bowl plans.

Nothing makes me feel older than seeing the original air date of a Simpsons episode I grew up with.

If Elmo sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of mental illness.

The bulb above my bathroom mirror is rapidly flickering, presumably to punctuate my life being a fucking horror movie.

I think 2023 rendered me incapable of expecting anything but the worst possible outcome for any given situation.

New comic! Wherein Cord gets angry about stuff that definitely matters.

Me: *contends with a host of mental health issues and lacks any kind of support network*

Also me: *reacts to the viral Elmo tweet with pure cynicism*

"Cry me a river."

"I mean, I usually cry oceans, but I wouldn't say no to an easy day."

Now would be a great point in the story for a guardian angel, talking animal, or sarcastic alien to show me that things really aren't so bad.

From exactly two years ago. Reasonably certain this was inspired by the first season of Peacemaker.

Me: Nothing is scarier than REAL LIFE.

Also me: *is frightened by every horror movie I watch*

I sometimes stop talking to people because I think they dislike me despite having little or no supporting evidence.

Anyway, I’m either extremely perceptive or the stupidest person ever.

Frankly, I’m fine with January lasting forever if it means I’ll never have to pay February’s rent.

Oscar the Grouch was the original Garbage Pail Kid.