Not to brag, but I doubt anyone is as unqualified for any job as I am for basic existence.

The weather is so cold that it killed my car battery *and* froze the hood shut, thereby making it impossible for the battery to be replaced.

I'd be angrier if I weren't so in awe of the thoroughness.

Anyone who would accuse me of having a low pain tolerance should know that I'm an obsessive hand-washer who lives in an area with extremely dry winter air.

I'm emotionally numb, but the kind where you still have emotions.

Officially at the “15 degrees feels like a fucking heatwave” stage of winter.

Sure, Better Call Saul got screwed at the Emmys, but it *did* get this stupid comic from me during its final season.

It’s so cold that my glasses *literally* froze to my face. This… is a new one.

Had a terrible day yesterday, but to be fair, I *did* relax my guard for roughly three microseconds.

“I love snow!”
- Someone who’s never driven in snow

It’s barely mid-January, and I’ve already reached the “I would rather live in an arid, lifeless desert than look at another fucking snowflake” phase of winter.

Every room is a panic room when you catastrophize 24/7.

It’s totally cool how the days where I need to get shit done coincide with the days where I need to blow my nose every three seconds.

As much as I hate snow, I hate snow levels in video games a million times more.

New comic! Wherein Cord focuses his ire on award shows.

Road construction is an obstacle course for your car.

"You are not your mental health problems."

Obviously, because then I'd be way more interesting.

Everything* in moderation.

*Everything I dislike

Writing a cover of “Every Day is a Winding Road” for year-round allergy sufferers entitled “Every Day is an Endless Cold.”

I’m hypersensitive, but not “become emotionally invested in an awards show” hypersensitive.

From 2022. Wherein Cord gets realistic about mental health.