Sure, I'm incapable of healing, but at least I'm semi-capable of making stupid jokes about that fact.

My theory is that the Met Gala actually happens every other month and everyone just kinda goes along with it.

"Loser"? Just because I do nothing but lose?

Too damaged to be part of society, too unambitious to pursue supervillainy.

Mystery Science Theater… 3000?! In THIS economy?!

I'd say chronic stress is destroying my life, but I'd hate to overlook the contributions from ever-present anxiety, continuous grief, and despondent depression.

Whenever I catch myself lucid-dreaming, I go on the lookout for people and objects that are likely to morph into Freddy Krueger, because I’m SMART.

It never seems to start raining until I set foot outside, so I’m either profoundly unlucky or Storm.

Got that Friday feeling*!

*contending with an all-day panic attack and imploring the universe to be nicer to me

Perhaps my allergy pill misunderstood the assignment.

I always found Dune kinda bland, when, by all rights, it should be very SPICEy.

(Sorry.)

“Crisis on Infinite Earths”? Are you referring to the epic DC Comics story arc or my perpetual state of mind?

“Crisis on Infinite Earths”? Are you referring to the epic DC Comics story arc or my perpetual state of mind?

I often complain about reality not favoring me, but in fairness, I *do* talk a lot of shit about it on social media.

Feeling completely disconnected from reality despite only wanting to feel disconnected from the "paying rent" part of reality.

I keep forgetting to ask my allergies when the hazing period ends.

Look at me, making 4/20 jokes like someone who’s ever been cool enough to partake.

Never a good sign when I enter the "look to horoscopes for genuine comfort and reassurance" stage of depression.

New comic! Wherein Jenkins' favorite holiday is ruined.

The light at the end of the tunnel was probably just painted on by Wile E. Coyote.