When the behavior of a high-profile audience member leaves you questioning your decision to bring your self-titled musical to Denver.

It doesn't come up much, but the song's FULL title is actually "All My Exes Live in Texas, But Since I Also Live in Texas, That Fact is Not Particularly Noteworthy."

It's interesting that weighted blankets are marketed as stress relief tools, given that attempting to re-assemble one after washing it has given me a full-blown anxiety attack.

Sucks that I think of my best** jokes when most of my followers are asleep.

*only
*not particularly good

From exactly two years ago. Wherein Cord and Sock explore the concept of fairness.

Rest on my laurels? I’d settle for rest.

New rule: Once a show that I grew up with is more than 20 years old, social media doesn’t get to inform me of this fact.

If you didn't get severe diarrhea on an airplane while drinking a Grimace Shake, eating a Real Cheeseburger, and watching a double feature of Barbie and Oppenheimer, did you even 2023?

Few things fill me with more anxiety than the knowledge that my door will be knocked on within a predetermined time period.

'90s nostalgia, but it's just me remembering a time when I felt safe and loved.

Collaborative efforts between companies that specialize in male enhancement products are known as "big dick synergy."

Kinda sucks that my desire to avoid spending a hundred bucks on a game outweighs my desire to own Mortal Kombat 1 at launch.

If Diarrhea Plane had happened when I was in elementary school, the resultant limericks would still be heard on playgrounds to this day.

I’m starved for attention, but not “pay for Twitter” starved for attention.

I don’t wanna overstate how awful this week has been for me, but Diarrhea Plane happened and I was only able to mine four jokes from it.

Fuck - and I cannot stress this enough - the universe.

More like "Turning (and Running) Man," am I right?

TIRED: Snakes on a Plane

WIRED: Snakes on a Diarrhea Plane

The fact that no one has dubbed the diarrhea plane story "SKYarrhea" is an utter indictment of our news media.

*becomes aware of the 'diarrhea plane' story, tries to wake up enough to write and draw a stupid comic about it*