Now that the xenophobic racist has revealed himself to be a xenophobic racist for the 3,000,000th time, the media and undecided voters are sure to take notice.

Forgot to take my allergy pill before going to bed, so now I have to waste like half the day inventing a fucking time machine.

I need to develop better sleep habits, in that I need to develop *any* sleep habits.

Me: *feels disturbing chest sensations*

Also me: *doubles down on the stress, depression, anxiety, and anger that likely facilitated said sensations*

I’d say my life has become a farce, but I enjoy farces.

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New comic! Wherein Cord contends with election fatigue.

Watching a horror movie every day for the month of October seems kind of excessive when I'm already watching my life play out in real time.

You currently have a choice between a killer clown movie that’s an artsy jukebox musical and a killer clown movie that’s an unrated gore-fest, and you’re telling me the “golden age of cinema” refers to the PAST?

My five-year plan is to avoid five-year plans for five years.

The only unit of time shorter than a zeptosecond is a Netflix cancellation.

I'm stupid, but not "purchase any of the products pushed by content creators" stupid.

"C'mon... Get better..."
- Me poking reality with a stick

As someone with nothing to live for, I’m basically just hanging out until I run out of media to consume.

New comic! Wherein Jenkins gets hyped for debate night.

Awfully inconsiderate of my digestive system to wage war on me when my brain had that pretty well covered.

If continuing to stare at this headache-inducing screen isn’t going to cure my headache, I can’t imagine anything will.

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Desperately needing to blow my nose in situations where I absolutely cannot blow my nose is a hell of a super power.