.

Everyone who's lived through the decimation of Twitter shall henceforth be known as "Generation X."

No one's using that, right?

Incidentally, I'm watching this at 4:00 in the morning.

Not to alarm anyone, but climate change has officially reached the "first half of the 'Dinosaurs' series finale" stage.

Anyone who would characterize me as unlucky should know that my power once went out while I was watching an intense horror movie and I did *not* get murdered.

New comic! Wherein Jenkins recounts his time on the inside. #Comic #ComicStrip #Comedy

Still trying to decide whether I want to be functional today, but the fact that it's now 1:36 in the afternoon probably means that decision has already been made.

Those UFO hearings were pretty dull until they rolled out that special witness.

Pretty sad that my first thought upon learning of the existence of aliens was “How many ALF jokes can I get out of this?”

To say that I have poor time-management would imply that I have any time-management.

I mean, I’m stupid, too, but I don’t need to purchase and destroy one of the world’s foremost social platforms to illustrate that fact.

There are fictional party drugs from teen dramas with less ridiculous names than X.

I'm too depressed to work out today, but silver lining - I'm too depressed to work out today.

So if I'm understanding this correctly, "I just tweeted a tweet" will now be "I just X'd an X"?

Sincerely hoping for the coming week to bring good things - or at least a tolerable level of awfulness - because this past week has come as close to breaking me as any week ever has.

I like to think that all the teachers who used to yell at me for laughing in class would be delighted to discover what an utterly joyless adult I went on to become.

Does the fact that I’ve apparently woken up in 1997 mean the last 26 years have just been a terrible dream?

Can’t decide if becoming someone who buys lottery tickets is an indicator that I’ve become stupider or more optimistic, though my money’s on the first

I don't wanna say I'm in a weird place emotionally, but watching a documentary about the creation and failure of UPN damn near broke me.

Growing up, I thought I had too much mental illness to be popular, but in the age of social media, I’ve learned that I don’t have *enough* mental illness to be popular.