Stonekettle
If you want a better nation, be a better citizen
Joined Sep 2018
Pandemic Diary, Day 9: In an attempt to keep up spirits, I play US Navy Ensign Nellie Forbush and the Bunker's Chief of Security plays French Plantation owner Emile de Becque in a rousing adaption of the musical South Pacific.
Republicans been in social isolation for 2 days, suddenly all "OMG! We gotta get out of here!"
I sympathize. I mean, I wouldn't want to be alone with them either.
I've been without chocolate for a week, and I'm still in social isolation. Gritting my teeth and waiting it out. I'll eat cold beans from a can if I have to.
Republicans couldn't last one damned day without their money before they cracked and came up out of their bunkers to roam the countryside searching for profit.
Demands that we forget the blatant lies and mistakes which killed Americans and "work together" for the "good of us all" which somehow requires all the sacrifice to be on our part and none from those who live in the golden towers on 5th Avenue
Progress of the conflict measured in body counts and by the closing bell of the New York Stock Exchange
How about that? Trump really IS a Republican "wartime president."
Acceptable losses
Collateral damage
Situation escalating out of control and a plan of action described in vague terms by political hacks instead of by experts
Victory is never defined
False bravado, mandatory patriotism, and an enemy gleefully described in racist terms to mobilize public opinion
1/
Republicans in my timeline: Stop bringing up what Trump said before. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong, we need to work together now. Don't politicize this.
Also Republicans in my timeline: CHINESE VIRUS! CHINESE VIRUS!
No case of the virus can be traced to illegal immigration. The infection was brought to America by returning AMERICANS. An airtight border wall a thousand feet high wouldn't have made an iota of difference.
What we NEED are tests, ventilators and competent government.
Pandemic Diary, Day 7: Contact with unidentified armored scout unit on east perimeter. Does not appear to be hostile, despite hissing at Chief of Security when challenged. Appeared to be investigating our backup toilet paper supply (gopher cabbage leaves)
We must remain vigilant
This morning's Pandemic Playlist selection is dedicated to Senators Kelly Loeffler and Richard Burr
Run DMC: Take the Money and Run
Pandemic Diary, Day 6: three separate attempts to breach bunker perimeter by a rabbit, a gang of squirrels, and one shady looking tabby all successfully repelled. Chief of Security awarded extra dry biscuit ration.
Dictionary publishers became the true heroes of the pandemic when they braved infection and risked their lives by returning to work in order to erase "irony" from the English language and replace it with the attached screenshot.
Senator with inside knowledge and ability to manipulate markets, richest member of Congress, former investment banker CEO worth $500M, married to NY stock exchange president, has no idea what her portfolio is doing.
No idea at all.
Stock portfolio? <flips blond hair> What's that?
Pandemic Diary, Day 5:
Kibble supply so far holding steady. Morale in the bunker remains high.
Trump: THEY'RE BLAMING ME FOR THE PANDEMIC, STAN!
Stephen Miller: It's Steve.
Trump: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
Miller: <testing hair-in-a-can sprays on the back of of his hand> Maybe I'll go blond today. Chicks dig Master Race looking dudes.
Trump: HOW DO I KEEP REPUBLICAN SUPPORT?
Miller:
Trump:
Miller: Add some racism...
Trump: Oh, hey, yeah. Yeah!
Miller: Also, maybe favor red states over the commie states.
Trump: And they said we don't have a plan!
Miller: Sieg heil, Mein Fuhrer.
"nobody ever thought about?"
All kinds of people thought about it. Trump called their warning a hoax.
The single greatest evidence for the non-existence of a loving and active god is this motherfucker right here.
The fact that he hasn't burst into flame, especially when he says shit like this, should serve to empty every church in this country.
English Shepherds are versatile working dogs capable of learning many complex tasks.
Such as outdoor electrical wiring...
So ... you're saying my house would be a safe refuge from racism, misogyny, xenophobia, greed, fear, ignorance, deliberate stupid, and so on, for half a million people?
I'm flattered.
Guess I probably better stock up on toilet paper though.
Stonekettle
If you want a better nation, be a better citizen
Joined Sep 2018