The Trump Administration in two tweets.

Coronavirus preventative measures.

Proof of effectiveness is that I'm not infected. Send $20 for instructions on how to use this method to protect yourself.

Just so you know, this joke is fucking killing it on Twitter.

Mitt Romney is probably the only Republican in congress that doesn't have to worry about going into quarantine.

I mean, the guy has been socially distant his entire career...

Found the perfect blurb for my next book.

It's just such a nice day here, I'm gonna go work in the shop for a while and make some pens. Then work in the yard.

This blue heron will be keeping an eye on things until I return. His beak is very sharp and he's sick of your shit, so probably best if you behave.

Sometimes Twitter can be magical

Small flour tortillas.

Soft, biodegradable, you can make them at home, AND when the toilet paper crisis is over you can use your stash to make tacos.

I'd probably avoid the corn ones though. Too scratchy.

Seriously though, I'm at the store and it's everything I can do not climb up on the customer support counter and start shouting, you know, if you mouth-breathing assholes had been this motivated about VOTING and maybe electing a competent, functioning government, you wouldn't be standing in line right now for fucking toilet paper!

Winn Dixie today: Toilet paper sold out. Hand sanitizer sold out. Lysol wipes sold out. Antibacterial (I know) hand soap sold out.

If nothing else, this virus might actually get some of the locals interested in personal hygiene. So, glass half full.

Anyone else wondering if maybe the toilet paper industry engineered this virus?

Waiting for all the ultra conservative evangelical holy rollers who everytime there's a hurricane blame gay people, to explain how the imploding stock market due to the coronavirus ISN'T their God calling Trump an asshole.

This morning you’re all depressed that you’ll probably have to vote for somebody you don’t like?

Me too, Bro.

Me too.

New Essay up on Stonekettle Station: Happy Kittens Fart Sunshine

https://www.stonekettle.com/2020/03/happy-kittens-fart-sunshine.html

Because fuck you.

Naw, I don't think so.

Instead, me and my sissy liberal friends are driving our electric cars over to your house to take your guns, give you government run healthcare, gay marry you to a Muslim socialist abortion doctor, teach your kids about evolution, and replace all your light bulbs with LEDS.

TFW you're doing such a great job you have to keep telling people how great the job is because your greatness is so great nobody can see the greatness unless you tell them.

So great.

Thank you, Jesus.

Pigeons escaping from Tiny Planet

When do we start calling hand sanitizer "Freedom Lube?"

Due to a failed electronic security lock, I've been locked out of my office since yesterday afternoon.

Fortunately I had a spare set of keys for just such an emergency.

Which were not where I thought I'd put them.

Which I finally found in the *office* key box after forcing the office door with crowbars because that's just how I roll.

Anyway, now I have to go to the hardware store and buy a new office lock and possibly some materials to repair a door jam.

So, what did I miss?