@MLClark I was able to serve my purpose on my latest trip, I feel. My visit mattered greatly to my friend who has survived so much, as well as to my father which was the second half of the visit. I'll never forget the look of surprise on Dad's face when I walked through the door.

"Where did you come from?" He exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear.

My conversation with my brother was brutal in progress but the outcome was not unexpected.

@MLClark As to settling in, I was able to get back on schedule and back to the gym relatively painlessly. Yesterday was a wash both from a food discipline angle, and a workout angle, but today I hit it hard and we are on the bounce.

I've spent the last few hours editing, and it feels good to get back to things.

I'd honestly attribute my quick turn around to an overall increase in my meditation pattern. I'm trying to get 2 to 3 times a day in now.

@NiveusLepus

I saw your post about your brother and my heart ached for you. Even though you have tremendous bounce in your step and a real thumper of a heart, it's rough when the world really goes out of its way to make us strengthen both. 💛

It's so good to have you back.
Your light is a gift.
Thank you for taking such good care of yourself while sharing that gift with your friend in need - and so much more of our hurting world.

@MLClark It was rather brutal in process, but I found myself at an impasse. It had been 15 years since our last talk, and Dad's health is only getting worse.

He did everything but beg me to try, and as I reflected on it, I realized there were many times when we were kids that I was unnecessarily cruel to him. I know this is common with siblings but that doesn't give me a pass.

So I resolved to hold out hope and offer an apology for all those times where I could have been better in the past.

@MLClark It did not go well. I know him to be a hardened soul, and quite laconic, but what I saw lurking behind his eyes was pure hatred, and with his words, he reduced me to a group of objects. "You people" "I know how you manipulate." etc etc.

That was the gut punch, that and watching him smirk when I mentioned my attempts to end my existence.

There is nothing there to reconcile with. I can only go so far, but I did my duty and my best, I held out hope, and honored my father's wishes.

@NiveusLepus

you do what you can. if it's not accepted, you tried💪🏾

@NiveusLepus

He has to live with the anger, hate, and cruelty in his heart every day.

You tried your best for your parents, and that's part of the person *you* get to live with every day: someone who worked hard to understand her truth, to build a life around it, and to try to lessen the impact of any harm done to others along the way.

You're part of the world striving for a kindness that might allow more of "his people" to grow one day, too.

Thank you for leaning into care where you can. 🫂

@MLClark Thank you for being such a wonderful support and a truly kind friend.

It is my hope that someday something will come along so that he and others like him can let go of all of that. It cannot be easy to carry.

@MLClark
When I was caught deep in christian fundamentalism, I know it was eating me alive, and caused a lot of damage, but I'm fairly certain its a different experience for folks whom are more "normal" than I am.

One of the great blessings of my life is that I'm as different as I am, because it pushed me to grow and question. It wasn't always easy, but those questions caused me to push and figure out what I was about.

@NiveusLepus

Exactly that.

The toxic ideologies in this world do harm to everyone who moves within them, but it's only those most misaligned with their premises who ever get the chance - however brutally hard - of escape.

Meanwhile, the ones who think they're thriving in righteous anger are in fact living lives that make far less of a positive impact (and often even worsen the world!) without ever realizing the trap in which they live. Their damage hurts all of us - including themselves. 🫂