.

Still standing.
Doing all the things I have to do because life doesn’t stop—not even for this.
I’m bitter.
I’m heartbroken.
But I’m still Momming like a motherducker.

Vaccinating and voting and shit.

So. It’s pretty much confirmed, non-viable. Hormone levels have ceased their incline. So now it’s a vicious fucking waiting game till what promises to be Monday’s additional traumatizing ultrasound to look at a blighted ovum. My provider keeps reassuring me that I can go to the ED when all this goes down. Really juicing up the horror end of it… maybe to sweep aside the mental element.

I remain in a not-especially-great-place.

Had labs drawn this morning. Midwife called as we were getting kiddos ready for swim school. My hormones were high enough that she should have seen fetal pole and heartbeat on yesterday’s scan. Unless my HCG numbers double by Friday, there’s a strong chance I have anembryonic pregnancy AKA “blighted ovum” and I will need to prepare to miscarry.

I’m not ok.

Happy World Anesthesia Day AKA World Ether Day.

Super grateful for the anesthesiologists who made sure I didn’t have to be even partially conscious during my three spinal surgeries. I’d would have been dead without them. Actually dead.

Every year on Oct. 16, surgeons and anesthesiologists raise a glass to 'Ether Day'

https://www.npr.org/2024/10/16/nx-s1-5138063/every-year-on-oct-16-surgeons-and-anesthesiologists-raise-a-glass-to-ether-day

Well today was not any kind of reassurance. 😬 Basically a check again later scenario that my anxious brain can’t even handle right now.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, Canadian #Cosonauts! 🇨🇦 May you have a day plentiful with love, togetherness, tasty meals and beautiful fall leaves. 🍁

My kiddo is anxious. Anxiety goes hand in hand with tummy troubles. Could barely eat her toast this morning. She just knew she didn’t want to stay home from school.

I’m not stressed she didn’t eat her toast. They get to eat their packed snacks about 45 minutes into their school day.

So I sat her down with a chapter book. A burp bubbled out by page 4 and she’s feeling totally fine now and ready for school.

The magical healing power of #books.

#TFW your nursing unit orders from the local brunch place and you’re thinking you went a little overboard and everyone is going to know you’re pregnant and hangry— But actually everyone else went WAAAY more overboard than you so you don’t actually feel like such an obvious glutton. 🙌🏻🍳🥞☕️

Every now and then I get a flash of panic that there might be more than one in there. Finding that out Tuesday. 😳 😬

Hubs took kiddo to get her flu shot today while I was at work. She was nervous, there were lots of screaming kids and teens ahead of her but when it was her turn she was totally brave. Not a single tear. So tonight she told me she’s ready for the Covid booster next “because it’s not even a big deal.” She was flexing her 💪 and showing off her groovy yellow bandaid all night.

She handles shots (and grasps the concept of vaccination) better than some adults I know. 🤩 So very proud.