Also, I have to stress how exhausting it is to have randoms try to hit you up for a date when you're just going out in ratty sweats for - in my case - 4 eggs, a tomato, an onion, and a bag of cream.
I understand that we live in a lonely world, but folks really don't seem to realize how lonely they can make a person feel by trying to make a stranger feel bad for not giving their number / going for a coffee".
Leveraging another's desire to live in peace in one's neighbourhood is a shitty tactic.
That last post brought to you by:
This morning's egg run!
After yesterday's egg run with a different dude pulling a similar stunt!
And to be clear, it's not just a Colombian thing. In Canada, I used to work at a bookstore where I was alone for the final hour. You bet your bippy that I was not *actually* alone in the store for that final hour most days.
My dudes.
We need to build better communities of care.
This is not the way to heal the loneliness in so many hearts.
Oh, I am so glad you do what you need to, to keep your beautiful heart hippity-hopping without more distress than life already throws our way. You are *wise* to keep your courage for the confrontations that matter most. ❤️
@MLClark I also have a very well trained partner that is willing to do the store-foraging!
<--Spoiled Beast ^_^
*pat pat* Good partner! 😊 Teamwork makes the dream work!
@MLClark I hope to make you smile, because I have my own understanding of this. People rarely make requests for my number but some people are snarly to me sometimes, though its gotten rarer.
I always worry about these things though, and being out is an eggshell thing. I don't always have the social skills calibrated right.
Totally. We have different experiences, & the threats of violence matter *so* much. 💙
I have always "passed", & that creates its own complex loneliness. Here in Colombia, I also dress more femme because that ironically saves me from looking *as* much like a tourist - different harassment for different coding, the latter more dangerous.
But all those folks who see & respond to the femininity of the body and apparel... they do not know me. They only see a "free" feminized object.
Still - and especially - your safety matters so, so much.
I wish the world were kinder.
I wish they saw and honoured you as the beautiful being you are.
I'm glad you have a safe space, and good people, close to home.
@MLClark Not all the world sees me, but the good people do, and that's a great barometer to have.
You're one of the bright lights that shines in my sky, and I am so grateful for your kindness, patience and support. That's a true friends thing. ^_^
For all my challenges, the blessings count for more, and that is something to always thank the Gods for.
Oh, Rebecca, you have given me SUCH good energy with which to step out into the world again this afternoon.
🤗 Thank you for this gift of a chat, and your friendship.
I will say hello to a flower and tell them all about you.
@MLClark Thank you! That gives me so much joy on an already happy Saturday! I hope this is always the case as we interact on here.
Your friendship is a treasure. I am glad I can give back some of what I've been given!
@MLClark @NiveusLepus I'm listening and learning. I've never really felt comfortable around just fem groups, or just masc groups because while I do fit as a "pretty" fem person, I feel like "pretty" can often be seen as bait, or worse, a target in crowds and groups of folks I'm unfamiliar with.
I hear that. Thank you for sharing your sense of safety (or lack thereof).
I'm genderqueer/nonbinary, which for me really just means that I *don't* have an inner gender identity - I forget about gender entirely until I'm *gendered* by people who want something from me, or want to impose something on me.
This means I feel as out of place among fem groups as when walking carefully among het masc folks.
I hope you have people you feel safe with and seen by, too. ❤️
@MLClark @NiveusLepus *nods.* I'm transitioning to masc, AFAB. It's hard cause I never really felt comfortable within fem circles, was always treated as the outsider cause I enjoyed "tomboy" hobbies and activities.
😅 Yep! I'm bisexual, too, so growing up "tomboy" there was so much confusion. I loved the same activities as the fellows - voracious reader of the sciences, played on a boy's baseball team, Trekkie for life - and I also liked girls like the fellows, but I also liked fellows too! So who the heck was I?
There are many answers to this question, all valuable.
For me, labels are a bit too rigid, but oh! I hope you find the words that sing your truth home best to you. 💜🌈
I just assume every woman wants dudes to leave them alone
So sad that even making Eye contact and trying to share a smile can make dudes think you are interested.
The modern world lacks "third spaces". That is, places which are not work or home, where people can be in the same space, socially. They exist, for pay--but there aren't many that are free. Where people just see each other and get to know each other.
Places where community is visible and active.
Like a piazza?
Piazzas, parks, town squares...even just communities where people hang out on their porches, talk to their neighbors, and allow kids to play outdoors and make noise
Where those spaces are missing, you can really feel it.
@MLClark You are brave. Social pressure or their anticipation is one of the things that keeps me in the house.