I also have this big collection of china I inherited from a great aunt. I never use it, but I'd love to. Or I could sell it, too. I'm just not sure. Is it my style? I don't know.

Sorting through things in my house & debating stuff like, what do I want to do with X item or Y thing?

I have a really cool waterfall desk & old swivel office chair from like the 1940s. They're both pretty groovy, & I don't use them, & they aren't heirlooms - unlike the oak vanity I have from my grandma. So I'm thinking I might sell the desk & chair, & keep the vanity around instead.

Looks like I'll be planting a lot of asters. Just fine that, I love asters.

Probably go with some non-invasive West coast or California native plants, something like a ceanothus. & gotta make sure I set up a good watering system next Spring, with soaker hoses & a timer & all that.

It also dawned on me that the plan I had for my front yard will need to change: it's hot AF in the South-facing border against the front of the house. Most plants simply won't survive there. So I need to rethink.

I'm fine. Got nowhere near heatstroke & was well-hydrated. It just left me with this realization that if I want to do any real yard work, I need to wait until it's cooler.

Did some yard work yesterday, weeding & murdering invasive plants; & while it wasn't that hot out (in the mid-70s), the microclimate in the front yard combined with the humidity in the air combined with being completely out of shape left me sweating, fatigued & out of breath.

Huh, just dawned on me that I'm hungry.

This carbon cycle thing is some inconvenient bullshit right here.

@AlphaCentauri OMG Hyperbole & a Half is amazing for how well they grasp stuff like this...

@Coffee_and_Salt Ouch, that tracks. I fell in love with both my dogs but the second was more the Heart Dog, if that makes sense. We needed each other more as the years passed.

I'm at least well on the way to being OK with getting another dog: I don't feel like I'd be wanting or trying to replace the one recently lost. I figured once I got to that point I'd have an emotional foundation for getting a new dog.

Like, I miss my 2nd dog so much it's physically hurts. It's been a bit of time & the loss isn't that far under the surface - I still well up with tears when I see a picture of him, that sort of thing.

Missing my dog terribly of late.

It's curious, I don't remember being this torn up when my first dog died. I missed her, & I was sad for a while, but I don't remember feeling the same ache or breaking into tears even months later.

That's the time when we're supposed to be able to stand up & be at our most effective, to have enough energy & time & thought to be able to fight a system that would seriously rather we just die.

I don't know how anyone does it. I've always had terrible trouble. & I think I've just been lucky sometimes, because I've gotten some good care & it's almost by accident.

I seriously wish I'd known about eFeedbacks way back then. Or that I'd had the chutzpah to report her.

But that's the thing: I didn't. Because ppl expect that ppl w/mental health conditions will advocate for ourselves. But we often *can't*. How can we, when we're at our very worst? When we haven't slept for days, can't think straight, have no energy, can't focus?

The social worker told my then-SO that I "needed a vacation". She told me that I "needed to get some perspective" & compared me to the people they actually had in their PBMU at the time - I was too coherent to be admitted, she said. & that was that. They sent me home.

I never actually saw the psychiatrist on call. And I will never, EVER go back to the ER if I'm in crisis again. Fuck that.

I got that from the intake social worker the one & only time I went to the ER for mental health help. I was far into crisis, going through SSRI withdrawal & a bunch of other severe symptoms I won't go into here. "Nervous breakdown" isn't a clinical term, but it's a pretty good descriptor of what was going on.

Someone just reminded me of this one, for stuff ppl with #depression hate hearing: "Cheer up! A lot of people have it way worse than you do, you know!"

@BenA OMG I got a variation on that from a fucking SOCIAL WORKER the one & only time I went to the ER for mental health.

& honestly, the way mental illnesses manifest for folks who have them is sooooo varied. Severity, symptoms, & so on have some commonality, so what works for one person may not help another. Some folks get good from nootropics, others need hardcore medications. It just depends.