I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out,

I am not a coffee addict. I can quit anytime that I want.

I just don't want to.

Ever. ☕

#GoodMorning
#CaffeineClub

Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

My wife says she's worried I may have a caffeine problem.

I politely explained to her that, in fact, I suffer from caffeine deficiency syndrome and require regular infusions as treatment.

My wife thinks I'm weird, in case you were wondering.

#GoodMorning
#CaffeineClub

Nope. Not worth the risk.

You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

"Coffee is like liquid poetry, it flows within us and fuels our creativity."

And generally by the third cup, I'm almost feeling conscious.

#GoodMorning
#CaffeineClub

Apparently this style of pizza is called “Dragon Scales” and I think all pepperoni pizzas should be made this way from here on out.

#Pizza

I don't get mad at any of them, mainly because we haven't had any trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood for years.

People get mad at the teenagers trick or treating when the real freeloaders are the parents with the infants.

#Halloween

@Faustus That looks amazing.

A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

@MidnightRider Pretty much anything other than staring at a camera. 😜

Even after over three decades in the industry, I still get amused over being on television. It's a rather odd way to make a living. 😜

#GoodMorning
#CaffeineClub

Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.

Dammit... is it Monday *AGAIN*? I swear, we just did this a week ago.

#GoodMorning
#CaffeineClub

I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide if you're flying First Class.

My wife came home early from work and saw I was still drinking coffee. She asked me if was worried about caffeine. I told her I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.

My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.