In 2018 I found my mother dead due to a several months post-surgery aneurysm, and my grandmother lost her mom at 11 due to an aneurysm after gallbladder surgery in 1916, and as soon as they started making noise about #Covid being a vascular disease and causing strokes I made the decision to mask in public for the rest of my life.
So there you have it.
I will always #mask. Forever.
I have chronic migraines.
Often they make me think - Is this one the stroke?
Nah. I'll keep masking.
My 16yo started with abdominal migraines at 11 before the first noggin migraine a year ago.
A couple of years ago my younger son was sitting in a chair and said, "EYE GHOSTS!!!" and started swatting at the air in front of his face. So far no pain for him. Only ocular with aura.
Why would I ever want to tempt fate?
Anyway - the point is that masking is to protect others more than yourself, and it's become very clear over the past few years that most people don't get that, and even if they do, they don't care.
THEY have to be "normal" again.
We're supposed to stay home and go insane and die.
You're damn right I'm bitter.
I will always be bitter.
@Shelter we always go through life thinking we have it bad, but this breaks my heart. My dad died of an aneurism (I was there when it happened) when I was 8 and I’ve had debilitating migraine’s with auras my entire life it seems (4th grade), but that’s me. I feel with my own fears. When it comes to my kids, I DREAD the day one of them tells me about the kaleidoscope trails or darkness around the edges. Fuck THEM and fuck normal.
@Gambit_1
When I realized what the Eye Ghosts were my blood ran cold.
I don't wish this on anyone.
At 27 I got hauled into the ER because I was slurring my words and they gave me Toradol before my CAT scan and I laughed out loud.
I wish this on no one.
@Shelter I remember thinking I was going blind. I was only rushed in once but it turned out to be a panic attack because I didn’t know what was happening to me. Only time I’ve had one, but one was enough.
@Gambit_1 I finally learned that both my panic attacks and sometimes my migraines are heralded by a ringing in my left ear
Now I sit and wait for a migraine, and if it doesn't come I've headed off the panic attack.
It's handy.
@Shelter I tell people that my adhd is my superpower. It’s about leaning into who you are instead of fighting to be like everyone else.
I feel the same way about death. I know its going to come, but I want to be awake to face it. One last bit of knowledge.
@Gambit_1
Word.
Sometimes I feel like being autistic and thirsting for these kinds of knowledge is a benefit.
Like I will absolutely sit in a curious fashion because I want to know, need to know, what happens next.
This is why I will be very disappointed if I die in my sleep.