In 1964, Mary Poppins didn't need a license to fly her umbrella.
Today, you have to fill out some forms and shit, get a drug test, make sure your umbrella is air worthy and water repellant🙄, and after a test-drive flight, register it under the FAA. Total cost, $900; ☂️not incl.

Woo!

On a scale of fruit, how are you?

You're a therianthropic shapeshifter, but one rule is that you have to spend eight daylight hours as one creature and eight nighttime hours as another animal.
What two creatures do YOU pick?

Seductively, he whispered, "Rien, Nada, Wala, Méiyǒu shé me..."
She knew he only wanted to get into her pants, but was overcome by his "Sweet nothings."

Good afternoon

Here's to those craven, nefarious, vile, morally-bankrupt cocksuckers out there, for without them, conjuring an antagonist would be exceedingly more difficult.

Happy Easter.
May the Egg be with you.

I watched a rabbit, resplendent in its white winter coat, eating an apple. As rabbits do, it became self-aware & skittish (likely from espresso shots with Mr. Squirrel), & did some 45-degree-dangles before hiding under a bush. It's still there, nursing a sugar & caffeine high.

I'm not saying I'm wasting my life away, but Jeffrey Lebowski seems a bridge too far.

Everything was fine between Jam and Jelly, until that steamy and sticky night with Marmalade.

Trump selling Bibles is like Putin selling Navalny bobblehead dolls.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"
"I'm in the kitchen, Juliet; making ragù alla bolognese."
"O Romeo, Romeo, please use mamma's red wine!"
🙄"I always do, Juliet."
"O Romeo, Romeo, when you used Vino de Costco, that stuff killed me!"
Romeo knew he would never live that down.

A "stipend" sounds like something that involves a proctologist.
No, no "stipends" for me, thank you.

"Any brown tubers from south of the border, shithole countries, or spuds born with only one eye, shall NEVER come into this nation, violate our pallet, and POLLUTE OUR POTATO BLOOD!!!"
- Wannabe Dic Tater, 2024

I might be old-fashioned, but holding hands with someone you care about, is pure gold [or so I remember].

Anyone interested in a one-way trip to cocaine karma?
I wrote about it ;)

Due to several redeeming qualities (music, love, books, etc.), benevolent Aliens were ready to rescue us from ourselves, but then they visited a roadside toilet.

Maybe you're not in the market for a new story, but when you are, it would be wonderful if you considered one of my offerings.
THANK YOU!