AMA about trans life from an out of the closet transmasc person! Fire away! Gonna keep this going until the 19th. #AMA #TransAwarenessWeek
@PaganMother
My 16 year old (she/they) born female has been feeling out their gender identity. As a cis mom in my early 50s, I may not understand everything, but I support that she understands how she feels. When she asked for a binder, I bought them two. When she asked for a tux instead of gown, no hesitation. She seems to be more gender fluid than trans, but not sure. Unfortunately, they got my busty genes, so sometimes she likes them, other times they annoy her (continued)
@PaganMother
(Sorry so long) What I do understand because I experienced it growing up: I was "a tomboy". Often carrying myself, acting, dressing and talking in a stereotypical male expression. I was teased for it but always just thought it was because I was punk, poor and had to fight to be safe n the street. Now I see it may have been more but I identify as a woman now. It was just easier. My questions: how do you advise I best support my kid to enable their journey find their true self?
@Aja Well, you are alright on a great start with opening the doors to listen and understand, that's the biggest and most challenging hurdle to leap honestly as a parent of a trans kid. My own family, well, I was traumatized into the closet at age 8, didn't get a chance to really know or understand my own gender identity until I was well into my mid 30's. Most of my blood relations are no contact with me due to their abuse and enabling the abusive cycle, my immediate family all are supportive./1
@Aja As for them coming out to their father, if he is accepting and understanding of LGBTQ, he'll likely be a very good one to speak to about their identity. If anything, he might even take on the role as male role model to help them figure things out in the masculine mindset and behaviors in masculine spaces. I hadn't worn any corsets I'm afraid, I barely wear skirts without feeling uncomfortably awkward. /2
@Aja Well, wearing a binder to school might not be a bad idea, however they might want to take it off in the afternoons when they get home to let their skin breath and not to damage their chest muscles and tissues with long term wear. A looser wear won't be as effective for a bind that's conforming to their gender identity, so limited wear is advised. I grew up in the early 80's to 90's so transgender was almost profane basically in my families household until I left home at 17. /3
@Aja I knew I was off the scales of what is normal in sexuality, but gender identity was very much a blank until I was well past my teen years. I think your child is very lucky to have a parent open and willing to learn and understand what exploring it is like. My own were very...well, limiting, and very much sheltered myself and my two younger siblings from really exploring anything until we were old enough to live on our own./4
@Aja It's understandable to feel that way about their choice to be decided, but here's one bit to celebrate in, you have a son hatching there, and they very much love you and trust your judgement and guidance. Not too many parents of transkids get that, you know?
@PaganMother I know. I am recently diagnosed with OCD and ADHD. I'd come from a very abusive and neglected upbringing (I joke I was raised by wolves) where they just hit me for not conforming in school, grades, home, looks...so I wanted the opposite for my kiddo. I wanted them to be free and have autonomy so much that I allowed them to decide if she wanted to pierce their ears or cut their hair as a little one and when. Their hair was down to their butt before they went for a pixie. 😁.
@PaganMother I can't imagine the hurtles you had to overcome to achieve what you have being both trans and neurodivergent. So impressive that you're comfortable enough to even reach out to others so we can learn from you. I'm grateful and in awe . Your parents should be proud of the man you've become!
@Aja My mother most certainly would have been, she came out of the closet as bisexual when I was in my early 20's and blew the minds of my siblings and I, but we took it all in stride, learned and accepted all that she was and all that she loved, because she was just that kind of person, she loved and cared deeply for the people around her and we made sure she had the support she needed when she needed it.
@PaganMother that's awesome! Y'all have a good relationship then?
@Aja My mother and I? Oh yes, she was practically my guardian angel, and probably still is, she passed in 2004, but I still feel her around me often, sometimes approving, sometimes not, but she checks in, in her own way.
@Aja But if you mean my partner and I, yes, we are a thruple, my long distance partner lives a few states away and we keep touch via discord app and a few games we play together as well as texting or calling whenever we can. My live in partner, father of my son, he's here on CoSo just not super active (He's a lurker on X as well so that's habit for him.) @SolSoldier is his account here.
@Aja Right on, yeah we survivors get through some serious shit to unlearn the behaviors of the older generation. You are giving them the chance to choose for themself, and grow into who they are meant to be without forcing them into anything that doesn't fit them and I think that's marvelous parenting. But yeah, I am neurodiverse as well, autistic adhd, very self reliant and independent. They'll spring up like a well watered sunflower, I'm sure of it!