Having a very odd feeling right now, like there's stuff I want to say but I don't know what it is

UK people - Threads is on BBC iPlayer now. About 40 years old and still one of the most disturbing films I've ever seen. Well worth a watch imo
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p02kgkkg/threads

Gone midnight here. I'm heading to bed. For those who got into contact regarding recent stuff, I'll be checking my notifications and messages in the morning and I'll reply as soon as i can 🙂

I'd like to think that following me isn't all just doom, gloom, childhood abuse and f*cked up friendships,, but I gotta say that I realise my post history doesn't exactly back up my view there, does it? 😂

As I've said before, I'm no expert on all this. I'm still figuring it all out for myself.

But if you want a chat, let me know. If you have a Pro account, you can start a DM with me. If you don't, ask me to start one and I will.

I suppose that's the Nazi lesson, in a smaller scale, and one I'm being very careful about comparing it to.

The will and ability to be cruel to others is a human thing. It's not like horror movies where there's some external evil force, it's about what lies in most people and it's mostly born from insecurities.

Which means that if you're going through anything similar, you're not alone.

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My mum was more the centre of it. In some respects, I think I kind've got let off a bit lightly, really - being his child, there was some -quite messed up paternal love involved.

In some respects, that makes things more difficult to process - it brings in human failings so you can't write everything off as "evil" or "cruel" whatever.

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I'm closing in 50. I thought I had a handle on all this stuff.

But what I'm finding now is that there are still situations occurring where it's still having an effect, even well after I'd assumed it was all in the past.

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He's dead now, there's not going to be any repercussions for him. And I figured at the time that his death meant freedom - I could do my own thing.

What I'm realising now is that the effects still reverberate. Thinking it was all in the past, I didn't look for any therapy or anything like that.

What I'm finding now, in my middle age, is there are still effects - direct and indirect - that ripple across the ways I think about friendships and relationships

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Ah, this is the thing I was looking for.

1/quite a few

https://counter.social/@66ALW99/113172026124563827

So what I was going to say was...

All that physical violence happened when I was a kid. As I moved into teenage years, it kinda transformed into emotional abuse rather than physical. I guess because my dad realised that, getting older, I was more liable to kick his ass either legally or physically.

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He's dead now, there's not going to be any repercussions for him. And I figured at the time that his death meant freedom - I could do my own thing.

What I'm realising now is that the effects still reverberate. Thinking it was all in the past, I didn't look for any therapy or anything like that.

What I'm finding now, in my middle age, is there are still effects - direct and indirect - that ripple across the ways I think about friendships and relationships

>

Some good news. A longtime friend recently got back in touch after some serious health concerns. Today they got the news from some test results that it's not as bad as first feared. Still serious, but not so... imminent. I'm so glad, she's an awesome person, genuinely inspiring.

"Friendship means little when it's convenient."
- Shimazu (John Wick 4)

So this is a general throwing this-out-there type query, though it relates to some specific stuff to me personally.

If you've known a person for some time, say years, but mostly just via internet - emails, messaging etc, and you seem to get on well, how do you view it? Like, do you keep some emotional distance until you meet? Do you go along with the gut feeling you get with the internet contact?

How's it work? How did your net-only impression work out if you met?

I did a boxing session the previous week (not really boxing, more a boxing-themed workout thing, non-contact).

That was a lot harder during the session (I was proper sweating at the end), but there was no real recovery time involved other than a sit-down to catch breath and cool down.

*Overall*, the Pilates was a hell of a lot tougher.

So, that Pilates thing I tried the other night...

Been aching in places I never even knew I had until now.

Funny part is, I was there in the class thinking "okay, this is easy as shit", wasn't until the end that I was like "f*ck me. I can't move."

Seriously, could barely even get changed to get back home from the gym, took a couple of ibuprofen when I got home and another couple this morning.

Another 6 days and I'll have it again! 😳