Depending on the level of toxicity in a relationship, sometimes you have no choice but to go "no contact". You have to not only leave the space, but also make sure that you remove all access to yourself by those who contributed to the negativity that warped your mind, your soul, and altered your way of seeing the world. You can't take anything with you from that space if you want to create something healthy for yourself. You shouldn't bring darkness into your new light.
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This applies to relationships, family, and social media.
When you leave a toxic space you have to unlearn what you learned there otherwise you bring the same energy, attitudes, and negative behaviors with you ... you spread the disease that you are trying to escape from, you infect other people with that hue of darkness, madness, and negativity because you carry it within you.
Your trauma - and it IS trauma - is something that needs to be healed so you don't unconsciously "do onto others".
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CoSo is home to a lot of refugees. Refugees of a toxic, negative, soul sucking, mind altering relationship that is literally DESIGNED to infect as many people as possible with traits, attitudes, and behaviors that are completely maladaptive to normal life.
The Hellmouth has created an entire generation of people who are trapped in permanent FIGHT mode. The stress, the reactivity, the lower order thinking, the triggers ... it is all from staying too long in a toxic relationship.
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𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘦. - Dr Raquel Martin
The trauma many have experienced from toxic, controlling, violent, and oppressive relationships is a festering wound that many don't know how to heal if they even recognize the trauma in the first place.
Simply: If you have been driven to LEAVE one place to find a BETTER and HEALTHIER place then it's possible you already have experienced trauma and you carry it with you.
Many refugees are survivors of trauma.
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𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘗𝘛𝘚𝘋 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢.
𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘹 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵-𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 (𝘊𝘗𝘛𝘚𝘋, 𝘊-𝘗𝘛𝘚𝘋 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘗𝘛𝘚𝘋) 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤 (𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨-𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮), 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢.
𝘊𝘗𝘛𝘚𝘋 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 (𝘉𝘗𝘋) 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴, 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳, 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘩𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥
𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.
10+ years of the Hellmouth can deeply scar ANYONE.
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CoSo is a great place for healing and finding support.
There are many tools at your disposal to help you craft a space that is safe for you to take the time you need to heal. You can tend to your own mental and spiritual garden in whatever way you need to.
As with any kind of healing, it's always about the ENERGY IN. The more positive and healthy energy you put in, the more you will heal in the same vein.
CoSo is full of heart, honesty and epicness; put those in and you'll get those out.
If you missed any of this thread or simply want to revisit it later, you can find it here:
Many of the hard blocks I make are to protect my peace from those very clearly suffering from some kind of PTSD, cPTSD, or unresolved and unrecognized trauma.
It's very clear to see that their reactions to things are ... triggered, their emotions wild and uncontrolled, and their anger is inappropriate and coming from someplace deep and unrelated.
Seek healing if you need it. You hurt more than just yourself when you don't. Don't inflict the pain you have suffered onto others.
𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴—𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥. . . . 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯, 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 . . . 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥. - Epictetus
𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘥. - Gaius Musonius Rufus
𝘈𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘦: 𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩. - Seneca
𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘸𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦. - Seneca
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵. - Epictetus
Take us to church, E! 👾💜👾
@BosmangBeratna oh I'm working on it ❤️
@thewebrecluse I love your mind. Thanks for cracking it open for us as often as you do. 💜🤓
@BosmangBeratna you are incredibly kind to say that. ❤️ Thanks always for being so positive and receptive to my thoughts ❤️
> Thanks always for being so positive and receptive to my thoughts
It's a gift, when people share. The last few years have shown us exactly what keeping things close to our chest accomplishes. I am all for learning, and sharing together. It makes life worth living. 💜✨️
@BosmangBeratna and that is why you are epic ❤️
@thewebrecluse aww 🤓 thank you
@thewebrecluse - thank you for these words of wisdom. There's a truth here I couldn't articulate to myself.
@0x56 Thank you for reading it. I'm not the best at writing so I'm just glad I can manage to get any of my thoughts down in some kind of way that is clear ❤️
I find your writing eloquent. Thank you for making this contribution.
@thewebrecluse Appreciate you taking the time to share/help/explain/educate & CARE. ✨🫶🏻
@LPH6 I appreciate your positive response ❤️ and your understanding of my intentions ❤️ I only ever hope I've been able to do some good.
@thewebrecluse I’ve only ever witness you share/do just that. ❤️
@thewebrecluse This entire thread is relevant, erudite, and insightful. Thank you. I haven’t read Epictetus in years, but you’ve inspired me to get the book out again.
@TheRealDelia I'm glad to be able to offer any thoughts that help others ... but I will say it's ESPECIALLY great to hear that it inspired you to pick up Epictetus again ❤️ THAT is a true bonus.
@thewebrecluse This^^. I came here to heal because I was self aware enough to realize I was becoming what I disliked. I was also healing other things, but this place and the people I have engaged/interacted with, have all assisted my own healing in some way. Very thankful and grateful. I always love your #FirstCoffeeThoughts!🖤
@mistressticia I wish there were more like you, Mistress ❤️
I wish there were more people self-aware enough to know that they need to make a change, that they need to rise up and make hard choices to save their mind, heart, and soul.
I wish more people even bothered to give consideration to their mind, heart, and soul ❤️
Thanks always for your positive engagement. Believe me when I say it's deeply appreciated ❤️
@thewebrecluse Awww.... 😊 thanks! I appreciate YOU so hard.🖤
You always make me think and/or your writings resonate with me deeply.
You are amazing and fabulous and you have yourself a fantastic day, my friend.🖤
@thewebrecluse Thank you for this. 🧡 If you put love in around here, the love comes back. Seeing and sharing others struggles has helped me so much to finding my own place. It's amazing how much baggage we carry with us and don't even know it until we see it in someone else too.
@thewebrecluse I misread as "there are many fools at your disposal." 🤣
Then I re-read.
@poemblaze its entirely possible that I could have typed that and it would be true also 🤣
@thewebrecluse This reminds me of one of my favorite Seneca quotes. A young relative left Rome because of his troubles there. Later, he complained that he was finding the same problems in his new home.
Seneca replied, "Why did you expect things to change when you took the source of your problems with you -- yourself?"
@Myana Exactly. Stoicism. ❤️It would help so many people to really dive in an understand the philosophy. 👍🏾
Thank you for this clear, compassionate analysis. You expressed it better than I ever could.
@ChelseaGirl429 Thank you for reading it ❤️
Sometimes to HEAL and to EVOLVE you have to pack up and go, leaving the darkness behind, so you can breathe again and find your true voice without constant resistance, anger, and completely maladapted people running you into the ground until you inevitably become just as broken and warped as them.
To truly be "Free To Be" ... you need to give yourself the space to unlearn, relearn, and thrive where you have support and the freedom to be you; a garden where you have the chance to bloom.
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