Me: is my good underwear in the wash?
Wife: why do you need your good underwear? Got a hot date I should know about?
Me: the dermatologist is taking a mole off my butt tomorrow.
Wife: so you need good underwear? You trying to impress her?
Me: I'm not wearing the leopard print ones, I'm just looking for clean ones without holes.
Kiddo: when can I start seeing a therapist?
