Also, I have to stress how exhausting it is to have randoms try to hit you up for a date when you're just going out in ratty sweats for - in my case - 4 eggs, a tomato, an onion, and a bag of cream.
I understand that we live in a lonely world, but folks really don't seem to realize how lonely they can make a person feel by trying to make a stranger feel bad for not giving their number / going for a coffee".
Leveraging another's desire to live in peace in one's neighbourhood is a shitty tactic.
That last post brought to you by:
This morning's egg run!
After yesterday's egg run with a different dude pulling a similar stunt!
And to be clear, it's not just a Colombian thing. In Canada, I used to work at a bookstore where I was alone for the final hour. You bet your bippy that I was not *actually* alone in the store for that final hour most days.
My dudes.
We need to build better communities of care.
This is not the way to heal the loneliness in so many hearts.
@MLClark You are brave. Social pressure or their anticipation is one of the things that keeps me in the house.
Oh, I am so glad you do what you need to, to keep your beautiful heart hippity-hopping without more distress than life already throws our way. You are *wise* to keep your courage for the confrontations that matter most. โค๏ธ
@MLClark I hope to make you smile, because I have my own understanding of this. People rarely make requests for my number but some people are snarly to me sometimes, though its gotten rarer.
I always worry about these things though, and being out is an eggshell thing. I don't always have the social skills calibrated right.
Totally. We have different experiences, & the threats of violence matter *so* much. ๐
I have always "passed", & that creates its own complex loneliness. Here in Colombia, I also dress more femme because that ironically saves me from looking *as* much like a tourist - different harassment for different coding, the latter more dangerous.
But all those folks who see & respond to the femininity of the body and apparel... they do not know me. They only see a "free" feminized object.
@MLClark @NiveusLepus I'm listening and learning. I've never really felt comfortable around just fem groups, or just masc groups because while I do fit as a "pretty" fem person, I feel like "pretty" can often be seen as bait, or worse, a target in crowds and groups of folks I'm unfamiliar with.
I hear that. Thank you for sharing your sense of safety (or lack thereof).
I'm genderqueer/nonbinary, which for me really just means that I *don't* have an inner gender identity - I forget about gender entirely until I'm *gendered* by people who want something from me, or want to impose something on me.
This means I feel as out of place among fem groups as when walking carefully among het masc folks.
I hope you have people you feel safe with and seen by, too. โค๏ธ
@MLClark @NiveusLepus *nods.* I'm transitioning to masc, AFAB. It's hard cause I never really felt comfortable within fem circles, was always treated as the outsider cause I enjoyed "tomboy" hobbies and activities.
๐ Yep! I'm bisexual, too, so growing up "tomboy" there was so much confusion. I loved the same activities as the fellows - voracious reader of the sciences, played on a boy's baseball team, Trekkie for life - and I also liked girls like the fellows, but I also liked fellows too! So who the heck was I?
There are many answers to this question, all valuable.
For me, labels are a bit too rigid, but oh! I hope you find the words that sing your truth home best to you. ๐๐